


Use Me Up

by TheUnexpectedBeautiful



Category: Hanson
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Domestic Violence, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Family Issues, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, New York City
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-02-24 23:08:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2599892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUnexpectedBeautiful/pseuds/TheUnexpectedBeautiful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zac and Taylor Hanson uproot their lives in small town Oklahoma to follow their dreams in New York.  However, along the way Zac realizes running from his problems doesn't make them disappear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "What's the difference between jam and jelly?"

 

***

Zac anxiously adjusted his tie for what seemed like the millionth time that day. His brother Isaac, whom he told numerous times not to tie it so tight, clearly did not listen. It was practically choking him. His white shirt underneath was buttoned all the way to the top which wasn't much relief, either. He straightened his back, hearing the slightest crack. The wooden chair he was sitting in didn't hold much comfort for him. The scent of the room he had been sitting for the past two hours wouldn't seem to leave his nose. The furniture polish mixed with some kind of disinfectant reminded him of his elementary school.  _How far I've come from then_ , he thought.

 

He cleared his throat, looking around the somewhat crowded room. Taylor was seated next to him in an almost matching suit. The incessant bouncing of his right leg, making accidental contact with Zac’s every so often, made him aware that his brother was just as nervous as he was. He slightly tilted his head, seeing his mother and Isaac sitting together a row behind him. If Diane’s red eyes and used tissue she was clenching in her hand were any indication of how she was feeling, it wasn't too far off from his state. Isaac was gently rubbing his mother’s free hand in an attempt to soothe her. Zac turned his head a bit more, searching for any signs of Katelyn.  _Maybe she isn't here yet_ , he thought.

 

But, if there was one thing he was happy for – it was that his father was nowhere in sight. He was thankful for that. Especially on a day like today.

 

The sound of a microphone screeching the tiniest bit forced him to look forward. A man in a clearly very expensive suit stepped closer to it, a stack of what looked like photographs in his hand. He spoke evenly and clearly into the microphone. The words Zac had been dreading all morning.

 

 _“I’d like to call Zachary Hanson to the stand.”_  
  
  
  
  
***

 

 

 

**_One Year Prior_ **

 

 

The incessant high pitched warning blared through the kitchen. Zac frantically grabbed for a chair, pushing it against a tiled wall. With one swift motion he jumped up, careful not to slip in his socks on top of the polished wood. Twisting at the white mounted circle, he managed to eventually release the smoke detector from its bracket. He finally found the off switch, hopping off the chair and waving away at the smoke filling the kitchen. Dropping the smoke detector to a counter, Zac pulled open as many windows as he could, letting the smoke slowly billow out of the room.

“Zac?” Taylor called out from his upstairs bedroom, he could hear a chair being dragged around downstairs. He knew he smelled something being burned. _This is why Zac isn't allowed near a stove,_ he thought. He called out a second time before heaving a sigh and reluctantly pulling himself out of bed, taking the stairs two at a time.

“Are you trying to burn the house down before we leave, or?” Taylor propped himself up on the counter next to Zac who was dropping an extremely burnt frying pan into the sink. An intense hiss leaving the pan just as soon as it hit the wet sink basin.

“Well it wasn't exactly on my to-do list, but I managed to fit it in.” Zac responded with a laugh as he fished for his cell phone in his back pocket. Just as he was scrolling for his mother's number, the pair heard a second set of footsteps descending the stairs. These one's heavier than the first. Zac's finger hovered over the call button as his father entered the kitchen.

“Is it too much to ask to get some fucking sleep around here?” Walker passed by them both heading for a cabinet, grabbing a coffee mug.

Zac rolled his eyes, moving to the other side of the counter, “ _Yeah, because you do so much around here_.” He spoke to himself just above a whisper.

“What was that?” Walker shot back, glaring at his youngest son. Zac shook his head, sighing, dropping the last of the egg shells into the trash can.

“I didn't say anything."

 “I can see Zac made an attempt at breakfast. Jesus Christ, you’re twenty-three years old and you can’t fry an egg?” Walker laughed at his own words, placing his mug beneath his Keurig. “Mind telling me why every goddamn window is open?” Leaving his mug he starts slamming the windows shut. Zac flinching with each heavy bang.

“The room was filled with smoke, what else was he supposed to do?” Taylor interjected taking a bite of an apple, still leaning against his spot on the counter.

“I'm pretty sure I wasn't talking to you,” Walker shot back, the last window being forcefully shut. Zac decided to stay out of Walker's way, and instead started for the basement. He only made it a few feet before he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Not so fast,” Walker beamed, “You're not leaving the kitchen a damn mess. Get in there and clean it up. Now.” Zac cringed inwardly at the feeling of his father's calloused hand on his shoulder, brushing it away as he turned on his heel and headed back to the sink.

“I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.” Walker spoke again, clearly expecting a response.

“Yes, Sir.” Zac spat out, turning the sink on and grabbing the sponge. Looking down, he sighed at all of the pans he managed to dirty, all for one egg. Taylor just shrugged, taking another bite of his apple. “Well, as much fun as this is,” he continued with his mouth full, rolling his eyes at the tension in the room, “I'll be in the basement when you're done Zac.”

Zac just nodded, not taking his eyes off the sink. Though every part of him wanted to think of an excuse for Taylor to stay in the room, instead he remained silent, hearing his brother’s footsteps grow further away as he descended into the basement. He could feel his father behind him, waiting for his coffee. He felt a sense of relief when the coffee finally finished brewing. After what seemed like forever Walker lifted his mug and left the kitchen just as quickly as he entered it. A thick cloud of smoke still hanging at the ceiling. Finally, he looked over his shoulder, seeing his father disappear up the stairs. “ _Prick_.”

 

***

 

“What is it Zac?” Diane quickly spoke in to the phone, a clipboard in her hands as she jotted down patient information. It had been a non-stop morning at the hospital and she wanted nothing more than to get out on time and make it to her bed.

“How high do I have to have the stove on to fry an egg?”

Diane sighed, shaking her head. “You're kidding me right? Zac I'm at work. Can't you just make a bowl of cereal? Or ask your father. I'm busy here.” Holding the phone up on her shoulder, Diane typed the information from her clipboard into the computer in front of her, glancing at the time.

“Look,” She interrupted as Zac pleaded his case on the other end, “I'll help you when I get home. I really gotta go Zachary. Please don't call again. Unless the house is on fire.” She sighed again, as she lifted the receiver from her shoulder and hung up the phone.

 

“It almost was...” Zac responded with a smile, before the phone went dead on the other line. Zac pushed his phone back into his pocket, he was still in the kitchen, staring at a now empty sink, clean stove and still no breakfast. It was nearly 9:00, and his mother would be getting out of work in a half hour, another half hour to drive home. He decided to nix the eggs and grabbed a granola bar from the cabinet to his left. He stuck an extra one in his back pocket tearing the wrapper off the first, heading to the basement to see what Taylor was up to. 

 

***

 

“Diane, we have a patient in three, Doctor Breault hasn't been in to see them yet, we need vitals. Twenty-Six year old male.” Diane nodded her head, quickly finishing up her typing, before saving the file and hitting print. “I'm on my way, just give me two seconds.” Tucking her clipboard under her arm, she quickly walked down the hallway to the fourth door on the left, a young man nearly Taylor's age sat at the end of a bed, gripping at his shoulder.

 

 ***

 

“So what's the plan for tomorrow?” Michayla asked, glancing around the home goods store her and Isaac were in, desperately searching for a going away gift for his two younger brothers. Isaac placed a set of dishes back on the shelf, shrugging his shoulders.

“Well, the party starts at 3:00. Chances are it's going to go on all night. I promised my Mother I’d get there early and help set up. Justin’s supposed to be taking them out for the morning so we can get everything done without them knowing anything.” 

Isaac’s eye’s searched the shelves as he spoke, lifting up a set of mugs before shaking his head and placing them back down just as quickly.  

“Other than that, there's really no plan. Except for finding a gift. Which is proving harder than I thought.”

Michayla tapped her foot impatiently on the tiled floor, a hand on the empty shopping cart Isaac had insisted she push around the store.

“Well first of all, you've picked up and put down every single thing in this store. I mean, just get them a gift card, Ike. I have so many things to do today. This shouldn't be taking this long.” Isaac huffed a sigh, heading out of the kitchen wares aisle.

“I can't just get them a gift card. That's too impersonal. I mean, these aren't some co-workers. They're my brothers. And they're moving. I need to get them the perfect gift.”

Michayla pushed the cart, following Isaac who was practically running across the store. Her high heels clicking loudly as she walked. Her wrist full of bracelets clanking together against the plastic bar of the shopping cart.

“Well you hate all of my suggestions, so why did I even bother to come?” She argued, speaking to Isaac's back as he darted down the aisle to her left. “Isaac, seriously, slow down. Or I'm going out to the car. And you can do this on your own!”

Isaac stopped at the top of the aisle, turning towards his girlfriend who was growing more frustrated by the second. “You know, maybe I should just come back later and figure this out on my own.  You clearly have no interest in being here.” 

He stood with his arms crossed now, Michayla coming up quick with the shopping cart still in tow.

“Seriously Isaac?!”  Michayla beamed, finally catching up to him, “How many times did you ask me to come with you?” She was becoming angrier now, “I very gladly would have went to Michelle’s for the day.  You know, like I had planned to all week!” 

She fixed her over-sized purse that kept falling from her shoulder, her eyes scanning the store to make sure no one could hear the argument she was having, embarrassed at the idea of causing a scene. 

“Forget it, let’s get out of here. I’ll drop you off at your sisters and I’ll do this on my own.  I really don’t feel like fighting with you today. I have enough on my mind.” Isaac started for the front of the store, Michayla’s heels clicking loudly behind him, her cheeks reddening with anger as she followed.

When they were finally to the car, Michayla slid into the passenger side, slamming the door hard and going for her phone. 

“What, you’re not even going to wait until you’re there to start complaining about me?” 

Isaac didn’t bother to hide his irritation as he started up the car, throwing it into reverse to back out of his parking spot. 

“Oh Isaac, please,” she responded, not looking up from her phone, “you can’t wait to get rid of me, just admit it!” 

Isaac could hear it in her voice. He knew the tears were coming. “I swear to God, Michayla if you start crying right now I’m parking the car. We’re not doing this today.” 

“Doing what Isaac?  What are we not doing? Why don’t you just say what you want to say and stop being such a pussy?” Michayla shoved her phone to her lap, turning her body in her seat so she was facing him. 

“What are you talking about? You can’t just let me have _one_ day that isn’t about you, can you? My two brothers are leaving tomorrow. They’re not just going on vacation, they’re not moving across town.  They’re moving states away, and I don’t know when I’m going to see them again. And you've been nothing but an added stress in this entire situation.” 

Before Michayla could interrupt, he continued, snapping his head towards her as he drove, “You know damn well if the roles were reversed and it were two of your sisters leaving instead you would be with them constantly. You would be pulling me around to six different department stores a day trying to find a gift. You can’t even give me an hour.  You can be so fucking selfish sometimes, you know that?” Isaac was yelling now, his eyes back on the road as he shook his head. His foot pushing a little harder into the gas pedal than it should be.

 

***

 

The basement of the house was the brother’s unofficial hang out spot. It wasn't much, just a few couches, their instruments and an old TV that had been discarded from the living room once their parents had decided to upgrade a few years ago. Zac and Isaac had given the walls a fresh coat of paint, that was really all it needed to be transformed to a barely finished “laundry room” to an acceptable band practice/bar/lounge area. And plus, it gave them a little bit of privacy in the otherwise cramped house. Though the house wasn't small, it was quickly being outgrown by the family. Isaac had moved out two years ago with his girlfriend Michayla, a small house about three miles away. Taylor and Zac would be out soon as well, moving to New York in two days. They had found an apartment online in Greenwich Village. Taylor had already been offered a teaching position at an elementary school not far from their new apartment. The only downside for the older brother was that this new life was nearly across the country. Which is farther than any member of their family had traveled, never mind moved. They were the first of the Hanson's to pick up and leave Tulsa. For Zac, it couldn't come soon enough. He was excited for the fresh start. Excited to get as far away from Oklahoma as possible. Taylor on the other hand, took a little more convincing. He was perfectly content with living in Tulsa for the rest of his life. He loved the small town mentality that everyone around here had. He actually enjoyed that everyone knew eachother.

When Zac first introduced the idea, Taylor immediately shot it down. He had too much going for him in Tulsa. He had a job, he had just graduated from college with a degree in music and composition and had countless career opportunities waiting for him right here at home. He also had his girlfriend, Rachel. The two had been dating for just over two years. Splitting up once for two months in the first year of their relationship, but regardless, Taylor was head over heels in love. Zac eventually told Taylor he understood why he couldn't come with him, but that he was going to go either way. With or without him. Two days later, Taylor gave his brother his answer. He was coming with him. The two had done everything together. Taylor's earliest memory is when Zac was born. He couldn't imagine not living within walking distance of his brother. After an awkward conversation with Rachel, it had been decided. They were moving. Taylor and Rachel were going to try a long distance relationship. And Zac would be saying goodbye to Tulsa, for good.

“Is it bad that I haven't really even packed yet?” Taylor asked to no one in particular from the torn black leather sofa. His best friend Caleb sitting between him and Zac, an Xbox 360 controller in each of their hands as they went head to head in call of duty.

“Is it bad that I'm about to blow up Caleb?” Zac laughed his response as he launched a missile at his unsuspecting friend. Caleb’s screen going red as a new life regenerated.

“You're such a fucking asshole,” he spoke through gritted teeth, grabbing for a pillow to knock Zac in the head with. Zac ducked, the pillow making contact with the wall beside him instead.

“Justin should be by later on,” Taylor spoke again, ignoring their childishness, Zac's guitar in his lap as he plucked at a few strings.

“What about Mark?” Caleb asked, finally back in the game, his eyes not leaving the TV.

“He's meeting us out later after work.” Taylor moved the guitar to the floor beside the couch as he stood. “Speaking of work,” he continued as he pulled his gray beanie from between two couch cushions and pulled it over his head, “I have to go and get ready.  Last shift.”  he tucked a few stray hairs under his knit hat, noting that neither person on the couch were paying any attention to what he was saying or doing. 

“You know, it's the shit you pull like that, it reminds me that I’m really not going to miss you all that much when you go.”  Caleb commented, as he hid behind a wall, waiting for the perfect moment to take out his friend.  Zac couldn’t help but laugh, as he lined Caleb up in his crosshairs again. Neither guy on the couch acknowledged Taylor leave the basement, clearly too preoccupied with exacting their revenge on each other in Call of Duty.

 

*** 

 

Taylor had met Caleb and Justin in elementary school. The three boys immediately becoming inseparable. It worked well that they got along with Zac too, even though he was two years younger than all of them. He had never acted younger than Taylor, and sometimes Taylor would forget he was the older of the two. Though Zac was obviously in a different class than them, after school the four of them were constantly together. For the most part they hung out at Caleb's house. Diane was usually still sleeping by the time the boys got out of school, and their father wasn't exactly the welcoming type. Justin became Zac's right hand man almost immediately after meeting him. Justin was an only child, but he liked the thought of having someone to look after. Not that he had to, because Taylor was pretty good at watching out for him, but there were instances where Justin found himself useful.

Justin was already on their school's wrestling team, much taller than Taylor and Caleb, he practically towered over Zac, who was by far the shortest kid in his own class. A few weeks into the fifth grade, Justin caught wind that Zac was being bullied by some kids in school. By this point Taylor and the two others had been transferred over to middle school. And without Zac's older brother and friends around, kids his own age made their jealousy apparent. It started with the classroom bully, who had always had something against Zac. And of course, with Tulsa being so small, Zac ended up in his class every year though out elementary school. It was like he was waiting for his older entourage to leave the school. It started with name calling, and Taylor, never one for confrontation, told Zac to just to ignore them, which Zac tried to do, at first. However, the more he ignored it, the worse it got. What started out as name calling, developed into them full out harassing him. They would shove him extra hard in gym class, trip him on the way to the bathroom. And finally, they took his bus home from school one day, and followed him home. When he finally made it home, his left eye had been swollen and red, the beginnings of a black eye, and a story about how it happened. Justin took control of the situation almost immediately, drilling Zac about who this kid was, and where he lived. The next day at school, he got an apology. Not only from the bully, but from other kids who had taunted him. Zac never found out what Justin said, or did, and aside from Justin asking if things had been better that day at school, it was never mentioned again. It just stopped.

Now, they were all young adults, sitting on an old beat up leather sofa, each of them trying to get the most kills in a video game. It was safe to say they were trying to avoid the overgrown elephant in the room, each of the boys dealing with the loss of two of them moving thirteen hundred miles away from the place they called their home. For the first time in nearly two decades the four friends would be separated. 

Zac was one who could hide his feelings fairly well, since he’d been conditioned to do so by his father for so many years; crying was a sign of weakness, or so he was told.  Taylor, on the other hand, wasn’t afraid to show that he was upset, or that he cared more than the next person. He’d already taken the initiative and voiced his feelings to his two best friends, but they laughed it off, saying they would find a way to visit. 

 

*** 

 

Taylor sat in his car outside of the small Mexican Restaurant he had been working at for nearly three years. He couldn’t believe he was really showing up to his last shift, the reality of his move to New York finally starting to sink in. He pulled his name plate from the center console of his car and pinned it to his black t-shirt, taking a quick glance around the parking lot, he smiled when he spotted Rachel’s car just a few spots over.  His manager Greg told him he couldn’t make any promises with the schedule, but he would do what he could. Taylor made a mental note to thank him when he got inside, and decided he had procrastinated in his car long enough. He pulled his key from the ignition and climbed out of the car, a red ’98 Toyota that he had bought for himself right out of High School.  It wasn’t the best car, but it was his. And it had gotten him and all of his friends around Oklahoma with little to no problems.  He pulled his jacket closer to his body as the cold October air howled outside.  It was definitely fall in Oklahoma.  Finally to the front of the building he pulled the door open, surprised that the dining room was almost empty, definitely odd for a Friday afternoon. Rachel wasn’t the hostess, and from the looks of the empty podium, nobody was. With his suspicions growing about the lack of employees in the restaurant, he made his way to the kitchen, giving a friendly wave to the older couple that were seated a few tables to his left. They were here every Friday, rain or shine. Never missing a lunch date. Slowly, he pushed open the swinging door that separated the kitchen from the dining room, as soon as he crossed the threshold a chorus of voices yelled out at him.

 

“Surprise!”  All of Taylor’s co-workers were huddled in the back of the kitchen, Rachel in the center holding a small white cake. Greg to her left holding a small wrapped package.  Everyone Taylor had ever shared a shift with was there. Bus-boys, dishwashers, bartenders and fellow waiters. 

“You guys…”  Taylor started, beginning to feel a little overwhelmed. Rachel stepped forward, giving Taylor a better look at the cake. He could see the writing more clearly. 'Good luck, Taylor!' in lime-green frosting.

Taylor placed a hand over his chest, "Thank you guys so much for this."

One of the chef's announced that he would do the honors of cutting up the cake for everybody to share, while Greg offered over the small box.

"You didn't have to get me anything."

"I know I didn't. Come on, open it, it’s from all of us."

 Taylor pulled apart the wrapping paper to find a small square box, surprised by its weightlessness, he gave the box a quick shake. He couldn’t help but notice the stares from everyone around him, Greg helplessly trying to hide the smile spreading across his face as Taylor slowly pulled the lid off the box. 

“Wait, what am I missing?”  Taylor asked with a laugh, pulling out a single business card. He tipped the box upside down looking for a hidden compartment that he possibly missed upon first inspection. 

“Flip over the card Taylor.”

Taylor did as Greg instructed, quickly skimming the back of the card. It was a business card from _The Cutting Room_. A phone number underneath it’s title in small black print, and then under that a New York state address.

“Greg, I still don’t get it. What am I missing?” Taylor could feel his face flush red with embarrassment. He wasn’t quite sure what was so great about this business card. He wasn’t even really sure what the business was.

“When you get to New York, you call that number and ask for Adam. _T_ _he Cutting Room_ is a recording studio in Manhattan. Everything’s already set up for you, just call him when you’re ready.”

Taylor’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor, shaking his head in disbelief. “Are you – wait.  What? How did you…?” Taylor went between staring at the card and back at Greg. 

“You’re welcome,” Greg finally stated with a smile. 

“Greg... I can’t believe you did this…I don’t even know what to say.” Taylor nearly lost control of his emotions, with the box and business card still in his hand he wrapped his arms around Greg pulling him in for a hug. 

“Thank you so much, this is too much.”

 

*** 

 

“Can I get a Jack & Coke?”  Zac stood at the bar, Justin, Caleb and Mark by his side. He attempted to pull his debit card out of his wallet to start a tab, but was immediately shot down by all three of his friends.

“Do you really think we’re gonna let you buy your own drinks tonight? Seriously Zac, do you know any of us at all by now?” Justin laughed as he slid his own debit card across the bar. Indicating that after this first round, his other two free loading friends would have to buy their own drinks. Zac however, was good to stay on all night. “Plus, you’re not going to be able to afford all of the alcohol we’re going to have you consume tonight anyway.” 

“Thanks man,” Zac immediately brought his straw to his mouth, sucking down nearly half his drink on the first go. He spotted a table a few feet away and immediately made his way over. Friday night’s in Tulsa were good for two things, drinking at a bar or going bowling. With only a few decent bars to choose from, the good ones usually got packed fast, finding a table as soon as you showed up was almost unheard of, so Zac didn’t waste any time. 

His friend’s finally joined him at the table, Mark and Justin toting baskets of peanuts that they had swiped from the bar. 

“What time’s Tay showing up?” Caleb asked, cracking open a peanut with his hand and shaking it’s contents into his mouth.

“Should be here any minute actually.” Zac glanced down at his phone, it was nearly 9:00. His brother would definitely be coming through the doors any minute now. He couldn’t help but feel a little sad looking around the bar, he knew that chances were this is the last time he would be sitting here with all of his friends in this place. In two days he was starting a new life, in forty eight hours Tulsa would be his past. He picked up his drink again, placing the straw between his lips, pulling up as much jack and coke as he could without draining his glass. His face already felt a little warm, his legs just a little bit heavier than they did when he walked in. 

“I swear to God, if Zac finishes his drink before me I’m going to shit myself, I don’t think that’s ever happened in the history of our friendship.” Mark quickly picked up his own glass, his eyes on Zac’s as he sucked down the rest of his drink.

“I mean, that seems a little extreme,” Zac laughed finishing his drink, using his straw to push the ice around at the bottom of his glass. 

“I’m going to get us both another drink, and then when I come back I have a joke for you all.” Mark laughed, grabbing both his and Zac’s empty glasses and heading back to the bar.

“So, you nervous?” Justin asked, already a pile of peanut shells in front of him at the table. 

“I wouldn’t call it nervous,” Zac responded honestly, “I just can’t wait to get out of here.”

Justin nodded that he understood. As much as he hated that Zac was leaving, he got it. Tulsa never really suited Zac, Taylor maybe. Even when they were kids Zac would talk about moving away. Always to a big city. For a while it was Chicago, then Zac thought about Los Angeles. And finally after months of thought and deliberation he landed on New York. 

“Well I hope your apartments big enough for all of us free loaders, because you’re wrong if you think we’re not coming out there.” Caleb chimed in, cracking open the second beer he had brought back from the bar with the first. 

“Oh and Zac, I brought a little something. Ya know, for later.” Caleb smiled, patting at his pocket. Zac knew exactly what he was talking about. Before he could say anything else though, Mark was back at the table, placing a very full drink down in front of Zac and taking a seat.

“Okay, so what’s the difference between jam and jelly?”  Mark asked, a laugh already escaping him as he thought about his punch line.

“Jam and jelly?” Zac asked, an eyebrow arched.

 

“I don’t know, what?” Caleb asked, holding off on taking another sip of his beer, fearing he’d spit it all over the table top.

 

Before the last word left Caleb’s mouth, Taylor walked through the door. Followed closely by Rachel. Zac gave him an  _“are you kidding me”_   look. Taylor just offered a shrug, mouthing _“I’m sorry,”_   The couple quickly approached the table, making it over just in time for Mark’s punch line.

 

“You can’t jelly a dick up your ass.” 

The group erupted in laughter, Zac and Justin shaking their heads in disgust.

“Hi Rachel,” Zac laughed, noting no one else saw her approach the table.

“Mature.” She responded. Clearly repulsed she shrugged her jacket off of her shoulders and placed it over an empty chair back.

“Taylor, so nice of you to finally show up to guys night. With your girlfriend, who, I don’t know if you noticed or not, _isn’t_ a guy.” Mark stood from his seat, waving Taylor with him to the bar.

"Screw you Mark,” Rachel retorted taking a seat and crossing her legs, “You don’t get him all to yourself tonight. Sorry.” Rachel immediately went for her phone, responding to a text message.

Taylor looked embarrassed, but remained silent as he took off his own jacket and hung it over the chair closest to Rachel. Greeting all of the guys, and Zac. Before he could take a seat, Justin pulled him from the table by his arm and dragged him to the bar.

“No protesting tonight Tay, you’re drinking, and we’re buying. Let’s go. You’ve got some catching up to do.”

 

*** 

 

"You guys wanna go outside now?" Caleb asked upon Taylor and Justin’s return from the bar, already standing up to grab his sweatshirt from the back of his chair.

"I’m in." Zac agreed, matching his friend's movements. All eyes were on Taylor as he slumped down into the chair next to Rachel.

"Are you coming?"

His eyes flicked nervously back and forth between his friends and girlfriend, Rachel shooting him a confused look.

"What are you guys talking about?" She asked.

"Well... we're gonna _go_." Justin spoke this time, sensing the awkwardness.

"Wait, are you going out to smoke weed?!" Rachel practically yelled, causing all five guys to snap their necks towards her, all of them hushing her.

"Shuuuuut up?" Caleb spoke in an almost questioning way.

“It’s fine Rach, we’ll be back in a few. Come on, it’s our last night.”

Taylor leaned over to give her a kiss on the cheek, but was met with her pulling away, clearly agitated.

Instead she rolled her eyes and excused herself to the bathroom. Taylor just shrugged and stood from his chair as his girlfriend weaved herself through the bar patrons to the ladies room, her phone still clutched in her hand. The guys took the opportunity and with Taylor regaining his courage the group headed out towards the back door. 

 

Caleb reached into the pocket of his jeans, pulling out a glass bowl and a plastic bag filled with weed.

"Jesus Christ." Zac commented, noticing how full the bag was.

"What? I'm not getting stingy on your last night out." Caleb laughed as he pinched a good amount out and placed it inside the bowl, packing it with his index finger. Justin offered over his lighter from his spot next to the dumpster where him and Mark were already smoking their cigarettes.Taylor stood to Zac's left, patiently waiting for the bowl to be packed and passed to him.

Caleb was the first to take a long drag from the pipe, handing it over to Zac when he was done, still holding the smoke in his lungs. Zac didn't waste any time as he did the same, feeling how light the glass was as he held in between his thumb and index finger. He loved weed. He loved the taste of it, he loved how the smell would sometimes still linger on his clothes, and most of all, he loved how it made him feel. His body felt weightless, like there were no bones in his body. It stopped that nagging feeling in the back of his mind. It was the one thing that could truly calm him.

Once Zac had taken his first hit, he handed it off to Taylor. The three of them passed it around until almost half of Caleb's bag was gone before they finally decided to head back inside.

 

*** 

 

"Dude! Dude! Seriously!" Taylor yelled excitedly from his spot, giving his brothers shoulder a push "Just go do it!"

"No, man, no." Zac eyes were almost completely shut as he squinted to keep his vision clear. His friends had been harassing him for what felt like twenty minutes to approach a blonde sitting at the back of the bar with two of her friends. They each knew Zac well enough to assume he was too nervous to do anything, but tonight, it wasn't nerves that were stopping him. After several drinks and the amount of weed that he smoked, he wasn't entirely sure he'd be able to get off his chair without toppling over, let alone form enough words to hit on some random woman.

"Oh! Look who it is!" Justin exclaimed at the same time that Zac felt a pair of hands squeeze his shoulders. He looked up as a smile immediately started across his face.

"Ike! You came!" Taylor stood from his chair to hug his older brother.

"Of course I came!" Isaac laughed, "and _you're_ drunk!"

Taylor just shook his head before settling himself back down in his seat next to Rachel. She was swirling the remaining ice around in what was previously cranberry juice mixed with vodka. Taylor was sitting so close to her he could feel the constant vibrations of her phone going off in her pocket. He placed a hand on her leg as subtly as possible, waiting for it to happen again before he started asking questions. Before he had a chance to speak though, she beat him to the punch.

“I think I’m gonna get out of here.” Rachel shifted her leg out from under Taylor’s hand and pulled her phone out, the screen illuminated with what looked to be missed calls.

“Who’s calling you right now?” Taylor asked, his eyebrows furrowing, “Isn’t it like 12:30?” 

“Don’t worry about it, everything’s fine. You have fun with the guys, and I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Taylor had his suspicions, but decided confronting her while drunk and high probably wasn’t the best idea, so instead he stood from his chair to say goodbye. He wrapped his arms around her for a hug, Rachel reciprocating with a quick kiss before pulling away and saying goodbye to the table.

Isaac quickly took up Rachel's seat, noticing Zac staring at him with a half-smile, his head tilted and his eyes barely open.

“So, where’s the wife?”  Zac slurred, his hand haphazardly going for his glass, not even letting Isaac answer the question, Zac laughed nearly spitting out his own drink, “I mean, where are the sister wives?”

“I don’t even know how to respond to that right now,” Isaac laughed, “I do know that I need to catch up.” Without another word Isaac was at the bar, returning quickly with a tumbler of scotch on the rocks.

With everyone finally in a seat, Justin took the opportunity to raise his half empty glass and stand from the table, clearing his throat, and trying to steady his slightly unstable legs he attempted to address his two best friends. 

“You all know I’m not one for the sentimental, sappy stuff. With that being said, I have to say a few things.” Justin took a minute to collect his thoughts, noticing all eyes at the table were on him. 

“Eighteen years is a long time to know someone. And for me, I was lucky enough to have the both of you. Not just one, but two constants in my life. I remember when I was younger I would always ask my parents for a brother, they never did give me one, which is fine. Because now I have two.”  Justin had to look away for a moment, clearing his throat a second time. He could hear Taylor trying to hold back his own tears, covering it up with an awkward laugh. The last thing Justin wanted was to bring the mood at the table down, so quickly composing himself he decided to lighten the mood, “I know you guys won’t have any trouble in New York, and you both know we’ll be out to see you soon. This isn’t a goodbye, it’s a see you later.” With that, Justin raised his glass, the table following suit, Taylor trying to coyly wipe at his eyes with his shirt sleeve. 

“Cheers, you pricks.” Caleb added, clanking his glass with the others. 

 

 


	2. "Now we wasted the good surprise on you!"

****

_**  
**_

 

“Well maybe if you didn’t keep them out so late last night partying they’d be here one time!”  Diane spoke in a hushed tone from her hiding spot in the kitchen, crouched behind the stand alone island, Isaac to her left, her brother Brian crouched on her right.

“Okay first of all when I met them out they were already wasted,” Isaac laughed, though his mother found his comment less than amusing, and responded with a hard nudge to his shoulder.

“Ow!”  He let out, jokingly rubbing at where she had jabbed him.

“Will you two stop?”  Brian finally cut in, his legs growing numb from being in his squatting position for nearly 10 minutes.  They had already had a false alarm when Justin had walked in 5 minutes prior, letting them know Taylor and Zac were _really_ on their way now.  The party guests who had all just jumped up and yelled surprised at the sound of the front door opening, quickly quieted when Justin stood in the doorway with an apologetic look on his face. 

“Sorry….just me,” he hurried from the doorway, grabbing a party hat on his way to an armchair, the guests all groaning as they got back in their hiding spots.

 _“Now we wasted the good surprise on you!”_   A detached voice yelled from somewhere in the room, followed by a couple of laughs, and then a chorus of _“Shhh!”_

Once Diane was able to accept the fact that two of her three children were actually going to be moving across the country, she decided it was only right that she throw them a suitable going away party.  She not only wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she didn’t give her boys a proper send off, but she welcomed the distraction.  It gave her something to busy herself with the past month.  The planning alone taking up most of her free time away from work, and then of course there was the menu. There was enough food to feed all of Tulsa for a weekend, all of which she prided on making herself.  None of that store bought pre-made stuff.  And she even went out and bought a keg.  She couldn’t help but laugh as she inquired about getting one for the party.  Feeling completely out of place as she stood before the twenty-something year old man at the liquor store asking how she would go about getting one. He was helpful at least, and didn’t laugh at Diane.  Though she laughed each time she told the story, her fellow nurses had all heard it more than once, most of which were hidden throughout her living room. Each of her close friends at work wanting to be here to wish the boys well in New York.

"Wait, where’s dad?”  Isaac shifted his weight to his right foot, the uncomfortable crouch he was in sending pins and needles slowly up his legs.

“He’s not coming.”  She said, her gaze fixed on the front door waiting to hear the sounds of Taylor’s car out front.

Isaac’s eyes fell to his mother’s hands.  Her thumb and fore-finger absent-mindedly spinning her wedding band around on her ring finger.  He was sure she wasn’t even aware she was doing it, he could see where the skin was being nearly burnt red as she did so.

He reached his hand over to grab her attention, as soon as he made contact she stopped her spinning and dropped her hand to her lap.

“You okay?”  He asked, his brow furrowed as he tried to read his mother’s expression.

“Of course.”  She waved a hand at him and forced a smile. “Of course Isaac.  I’ll be fine.”

Diane promised herself that today would not be a sad day. Today for her, was a celebration that she had done something right.  She had raised her children to be independent, to follow their dreams, and to set the bar high.  That’s what she kept telling herself anyway; each time she passed one of their bedrooms and couldn’t help but picture what they would look like empty.  She repeated her mantra as she passed their school pictures that still hung on the wall of the staircase.  She forced herself to remember this when she tripped over a pair of Zac’s worn sneakers, or huffed when Taylor left dishes in the sink after she asked him time and time again to clean up after himself.  Because in just a day’s time, those little reminders that they still lived in her home would be gone. 

 

***

 

Zac pulled into the long curved driveway, Taylor in the passenger seat of his own car, claiming he was too hung-over to drive.  Zac knew the truth though, he knew he was too busy texting Rachel. 

“Dude, do you ever get sick of staring at that phone?”  Zac finally commented as he shifted the car into park and killed the engine.

“Do you ever get sick of harassing me?”  Taylor responded, though his eyes were still firmly planted in his lap, his thumbs dancing around the touch screen keypad of his phone.

“Whatever.  If you care to look up, you’ll notice we’re home now.”

Taylor just nodded as he finished up his last message to Rachel, locking his phone and sticking it into his coat pocket. 

 

***

 

“Do you know what I could go for right now?”  Zac said as he took the steps two at a time, Taylor walking close behind him.

“What?”  Taylor asked, holding the screen door open with his leg as Zac fished for his house key on his ring.

“A nap,” 

Taylor nodded that he agreed as Zac pushed the front door open.

 

***

 

“Surprise!” The entire house erupted as the pair walked through the front door.

Zac immediately felt overwhelmed, taking a step back and stumbling into Taylor who was standing close behind. 

 _“Hi…,”_ his greeting came out at just above a whisper, though he intended for his words to be heard across the room. He shoved his hands into his jacket pockets and felt the heat rise in his cheeks. Not knowing what else to do, he forced out a nervous laugh.

Taylor’s response was the polar opposite, now standing shoulder to shoulder with Zac he hunched over with his hands on his knees, looking around the room in disbelief. Shaking his head he was upright again, making his way towards the kitchen greeting people in the order he was noticing them.

Zac lingered back as Taylor made his rounds with the guests. Shifting uncomfortably on his heel as he watched Taylor hug everyone hello and thank them for coming.

“Zac, buddy, how the hell are you?” Brian practically bowled him over with his embrace, though Zac didn’t seem to mind, his arms immediately enveloping his Uncle.

“Wait, what?”  Zac had to do a double take to make sure it really was who he thought it was. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” He felt a sense of calm wash over him, he could already feel his cheeks returning to their normal shade of pink.

“What? You think you can get away from me that easy?”

Brian pulled Zac away from him to get a better look at his ever growing nephew.

“Christ, how long has it been?” 

"Christmas," Zac responded without missing a beat, “Almost a year.”

Though Brian lived in Oklahoma it took him less time for him to make it into Texas than it did for him to drive to Tulsa. This made his visits with his nephews few and far between as they got older. He had never missed Christmas or Thanksgiving, and he spoke on the phone with each of them at least once a week, but for him, and them it just wasn’t the same. Showing up to say goodbye to them meant more to Zac than he knew Brian realized.

“We’ve got a lot of catching up to do then,” Brian responded as he tossed his arm around Zac and pulled him towards the kitchen heading for Taylor.

 

***

 

Isaac stood over one of the three food tables his mother had set up, picking at a platter of cheese and crackers when he felt the familiar tug at the back of his shirt.

“Are we going to talk about what happened yesterday? Or are you just going to continue to pretend it didn’t happen?”

Isaac closed his eyes letting out a sigh before placing his red solo cup of bud light down on the table and turning to face Michayla.

“I’d rather not cause a scene in front of my family, if that’s okay with you.”  He tried his best to stay calm though he could already see that look in Michayla’s eye. The look that let him know she didn’t care who was around to witness it, it was a conversation that needed to happen. And it needed to happen now. 

Reluctantly, Isaac lifted his beer from the table and headed out towards the backyard, Michayla’s heels clicking loudly against the hardwoods as she followed.

Isaac kicked at the ground watching as the hard dirt cracked and sent clouds of dust into the air.

“Honestly Isaac, you made me feel like I didn’t matter yesterday. Like I was just in the way. You couldn’t wait to get rid of me!” She had her arms folded across her chest, her heels popping holes into the earth as she paced back and forth in front of him. “Everything is just always about you and what you want….”

“We’ve had this discussion twice now! You think if you keep repeating yourself it’s going to change the outcome. It’s not. Honestly Michayla, just leave it alone.”  Isaac interrupted, finally lifting his head.

Michayla stopped her pacing, her hands going for her hips. 

“I was patient with you all day yesterday Kay. I needed one day, _one day_   where I could just do what I needed to get done. And you couldn’t do it! You had to make it about you, just like with everything else. I don’t know what more you want from me.” Isaac could feel his hands start to shake, a combination of the cold October air whipping at his skin and the frustration coursing through his body. 

He took a step forward, his arms hugging his chest as he tried to keep warm.

“How dare you!” She practically spat the words at him, her eyes narrowing in on his. “I make everything about _me_?  You’re so fucking ridiculous Isaac!  You want to talk about doing things for yourself? How about the fact that I’ve been waiting nearly six _years_ for you to be ready to settle down, start a family!”

Isaac threw his hands up now, laughing up at the clouds.

“How did I know it was going to come back around to this? That’s _really_   why you’re pissed off at me. It all comes back to having a kid. I’m not having that conversation right now.”  
  
Isaac threw his hands up in defeat, bringing his beer up to finish it off in one swallow before crushing the cup in his hands and starting for the oversized city issued trash bin that was up against the house just a few feet from where he stood.

“Honestly. Half the time we can’t even stand each other and you want to have a baby?”

Michayla shook her head, staring deep into his eyes, his words cutting through her like a knife.

“No Isaac, what I would really like right now, is to go home.”

Without another word Isaac reached into his back pocket and pulled out his car keys, eagerly walking over and passing them to her.

“Then by all means, go.” 

 

***

 

“Are you spending the night?” Taylor asked, leaning over the back of the sofa to Rachel, who was caught off guard by his head coming in from over her shoulder.

“Geeze Tay, don’t creep up on me like that.” She responded, seemingly flustered as she quickly locked her phone and pushed it into her pocket. Taylor walked around the couch and plopped down next to her.

“What’s with the phone lately?” He asked, an eyebrow arching up at her suspiciously, “Who are you talking to?” The expression on his face changing as he remembered back to the night at the bar, Rachel being quick to hide her constantly vibrating phone.

“What are you talking about?” She responded defensively, her arms crossing at her front, her eyes anywhere but on him. “I’m not talking to anyone.”

“Then let me see it.” He demanded, holding his hand out to her.

Rachel furrowed her brow and sighed, slowly shaking her head.

“Taylor, if you can’t trust me now, what makes you think we’ll be able to make long distant work?”

Taylor paused for a moment, before hanging his head and sighing, feeling slightly embarrassed. She was right.

“Listen Taylor, I know you’re nervous about leaving. I promise we’ll make it work. I’ll come visit next month. You’ll see, it’s going to be fine.” Rachel scooted closer, her head leaning into his shoulder. Her hand reaching out for his. 

Taylor wrapped an arm around her letting out a heavy sigh.

“I wish you could come with me.” He spoke into the top of her head, kissing it lightly.

“I love you,” She responded, looking up at him, their eyes meeting. “Please don’t get yourself worked up right before you leave.  Honestly, if it makes you feel better, here.”  Rachel reached down into her pocket, pulling her phone out and holding it to him. “Go ahead, take it.”

Taylor’s eyes fell on her phone, but instead he pushed it away with his hand.

“I don’t need to see it, I trust you.”

 

 ***

 

For at least one of the brother’s, the party had gone well. Though he was uncomfortable at first, seeing his Uncle made it all worth it. Now though, there was a mess to be cleaned up.  The guest’s had all left, minus Brian and Rachel who were both spending the night, for separate reasons. The small grouped worked quietly for the most part, each person assigning himself a job without being asked. The food was being placed in Tupperware and stored in whatever part of the refrigerator it would fit, Taylor was pulling down decorations and popping balloons. Zac was walking around the house collecting leftover beer, a cloth in one hand as he wiped away at condensation rings left on furniture, small spills splattered on his mother’s tile floor in the kitchen. 

The group was just about to call it a night, the last of the house coming together when Zac heard the familiar sound of his father’s truck in the driveway, the headlights peering through the bay window at the front of the house. Though he wished he could control it, he got that same sinking feeling in his stomach he always did when his father would arrive home late at night.

Diane was the first to speak up, throwing her rag down hard on the counter top and heading for the front door, her hands on her hips. She was less than pleased when Walker walked out on her this morning, letting her know he wouldn’t be attending. Walker knew how much this meant to her, but as always her feelings didn’t matter. She was heartbroken, now though she was just angry.

“That man has a lot of nerve,” she pulled back the curtain to make sure he was heading for the front door and not passed out in his truck. She had found him asleep in the driveway more than once after her night shift at the hospital, having to knock on the window to wake him up. Tonight wasn’t one of those nights however, as Diane let the curtain fall back to the window the door pushed open, her husband stumbling into the living room.

It was obvious to everyone in the room he had been drinking. Taylor, who was already heading up the stairs to his room with Rachel didn't waste any more time as he hurried his girlfriend to his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

“Walker you reek of Vodka,” Diane complained as she closed the door behind her husband. Walker didn't respond, but Zac could already see it. He could see the look on his father’s face. The same look he had seen countless times before. He was drunk, and he was looking for a fight. Attempting to avoid the inevitable he tried to remain invisible as he headed for the stairs, Brian still in the kitchen, looking on at the argument between Walker and Diane. 

“You caught me.  I had a couple of drinks.  What of it? I'm an adult, I can make my own choices.” Walker struggled as he removed his jacket and let it fall to the bench beside the door, not bothering to attempt to remove his shoes.

“Is that what you are Walker? Because you sure as hell don’t act like it half the time.”

“Where the fuck are you sneaking off to?” He noticed Zac quietly heading towards the staircase.

“I'm going to bed.  It's late.” Zac responded without turning his head.  He continued up the stairs, now taking them two at a time.

“Get your ass down here.” Walker boomed, heading for the bottom of the stairs. Diane planted her feet firmly in the ground, pulling at her husband’s shirt with both hands to stop him in his tracks.

“Walker leave him alone,” she protested, pulling at his shirt sleeves, “it's late!”

Zac stopped right before the top landing and turned, but didn't head back downstairs.

Walker pushed passed his wife and grabbed onto the railing at the bottom of the stairs.  As Brian saw what was happening he cleared his throat from the kitchen, ready to intervene if he had to. The sound got Walkers attention and instead of heading up the stairs he turned towards the familiar voice.

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Walker’s voice growing louder now as he realized Diane's brother had been watching on from the other room. Diane changed positions yet again, this time trying to block Walker from going after Brian.  

“Hi to you too.” Brian responded, one hand resting on the counter top, his fixed on the very intoxicated Walker.

“Get him out of my fucking house,” Walker spat out, his voice trembling.

“Walker, why don’t you do yourself and everyone else a favor and go to bed.” Diane spoke up again, this time firmer. She looked up at Zac and motioned with her hand for him to go to his room.

 

 ***

 

Zac exhaled a sigh of relief once he was finally in his bedroom. He leaned against the closed door, trying to listen in on what was going on downstairs. He nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone went off, the tone cutting through the silence of his bedroom. 

 _“Are you ok?”_  The message read, the light from his phone practically illuminating the entire bedroom. It was Taylor. He was obviously concerned after hearing the commotion from downstairs.

_“Fine. Going to bed.”_

He quickly tapped his reply before pushing off the door and finding his bed in the dark, falling flat into the mattress and stretching his arms out above him. As soon as his head hit his pillow he realized just how exhausted he was. His body sinking into the down comforter. It took all of his remaining energy to kick off his shoes, hearing each one hit the floor with a thud.

 

***

 

Walker swayed in place in the threshold of Zac’s bedroom, one hand on the door frame to steady his balance. His vision blurred as he looked across the dark room.  He didn’t need to turn on the light to know how to navigate across the floor, with it just being a straight line across, even Walker could manage to make it to Zac’s bedside drunk and in the dark.

“You think you’re better than me.” He slurred through grit teeth, nearly falling into the side of the mattress as he stood on shaky legs.

Zac heard what he said, but remained still, his eyes squeezed shut.

“You think you’re better than me,” Walker repeated, his hand grabbing at Zac, shaking him awake.

He leaned over where he thought Zac’s head to be and repeated his mantra, this time a little louder, his words practically incoherent.

“You think you’re better than me… but you’re not.”  He spat out, giving Zac one last hard shove into the bed before retreating back across the floor and living the room just as quickly as he had entered it.

               

 

***

 

Zac and Taylor were scrunched in the backseat of their mother’s car. Most of their luggage was packed tight in the trunk; whatever couldn’t fit was wedged between them. Diane opted to drive them when Walker made no attempt at getting off of the couch where he eventually passed out the night before. Brian was in the passenger seat, attempting to make conversation while Diane drove. She was clutching the steering wheel with both of her hands, trying her hardest not to cry. At least, not yet.

Zac was staring out the window, watching as the white dashes on the pavement of the highway changed into one blurred line. He could faintly hear Taylor and Brian’s voices, but his attention was more consumed with his own thoughts.

Even though New York was his idea, he was still nervous. He was anxious, and it figured that it was on the way to the airport that these thoughts would suddenly pop into his brain.

Zac knew that Taylor would adapt to his new surroundings with ease because that was just Taylor’s personality. Zac was different – always much more timid and unassertive. 

New York meant, well, new everything. He would have to learn how to use public transport which wasn’t something they had much of in Oklahoma. He would also be attending a new college – NYU. Although Zac was 21 and far from the age of his mother dictating his actions, she insisted that if he planned on moving across the country, the least he could was still continue his education. With his associate’s degree concentrating in Art Studies, he would be going for his Bachelor’s.

He scoured the internet for schools in the city that mostly fit his interests with the only one showing up countless times being New York University. From there, he emailed in his application with his community college transcripts, and in a mere couple months he was granted acceptance for the spring semester starting in January.

That gave him roughly two and a half months to mentally prepare himself for not only the classes, but the people. Zac knew he would have to make new friends. He couldn’t be spending all of his time in their apartment with his brother – he would eventually have to venture out.

But, he didn’t have to worry about that. At least, not yet.

Diane took the exit to Tulsa International Airport, she reached for her sunglasses that were clipped to the visor, putting them on her face. It was nearing six am, the sun just beginning to rise.

Brian directed his sister through the turns of the off ramp, ensuring that she arrived under the correct airline. She pulled the car over to the curb, switching on her hazard lights.

Taylor’s phone vibrated from his lap, he quickly answered, Zac figuring that it had to be Rachel. He almost rolled his eyes, but instead followed his mother and uncle’s movements and exited the car.

Diane popped the trunk – Zac and Brian pulling out the pieces of mismatched luggage and placing them on the sidewalk. 

“Is that everything? Do you have your tickets and ID?” Diane’s voice was already shaking.

Zac checked his pocket through his jeans, feeling the imprint of his wallet. “Yes, and Tay has the tickets.” He looked behind him, seeing Taylor still in his seat talking into his phone.

“And you have enough money?”

“Yes, mom.”

Diane nodded her head, unsure of what to say next. She had been dreading this moment since they first told her their plans.

“I don’t know how to say goodbye to you.” Tears were stinging her eyes, she was glad for the sunglasses.

Zac stepped towards his mother, engulfing her in an embrace. She tightly wrapped her arms around her youngest. Zac could feel how her body was shaking when she finally let the tears fall.

“I’ll be okay.” He reassured her, rubbing a soothing hand across her back.

“I know you will be…. I just worry.” 

“We’ll call you as soon as we get there.”

Diane slightly pulled away, placing her hands on Zac’s shoulder, giving him a final look.

“You’re a smart boy, Zachary. I’m so proud of you.”

Zac gave his mother one last hug, before moving onto his uncle who was saying his goodbye to Taylor, now finally off the phone. Zac could blatantly see his brother had been crying, unsure if it was caused by his uncle or his girlfriend – he assumed it was because of Rachel.

Diane, who was now a mess of sobs, pulled Taylor into a hug.

“I’m going to tell you the same thing I told your brother,” Diane started, voice almost incoherent, “You boys are smart and I’m so proud of the both of you.”

“I love you, mom.” Taylor said.

“I love you, too. And please, promise me you’ll look after your brother.” She spoke the last part more quietly. Taylor nodded his head. _Like I’ve been doing my whole life,_ he thought to himself, but didn’t dare speak it aloud.

Zac slung his backpack over his shoulder, and reached for both of his suitcases after saying his goodbyes to Brian. Taylor followed suit after he broke his embrace with his mother.

“You ready?” Taylor asked.

Zac sucked in a long breathe before nodding and heading towards the door.

Brian placed a reassuring arm over Diane’s shoulders as they both watched Zac and Taylor enter the airport.

 

 


	3. "Mr. Hanson? I'm confused."

 

Three weeks.

Only three weeks into their move and Zac was officially going stir crazy. With no job prospects yet and his classes not beginning until January, he spent most of his time cooped up in their apartment in lower Manhattan.

 Taylor on the other hand was out of the apartment from 8-5 Monday through Friday. He had started his new job only a few days after arriving in New York. It was perfect for him, and so far he loved it.  He had his own classroom and the freedom to teach his students the way he wanted, within reason of course. The only thing about this job that wasn’t perfect, was the paycheck. If he were back in Oklahoma, he would be making more than enough money to live comfortably.  He quickly understood what people meant when they said they were living paycheck to paycheck.

It didn’t take long for them to realize just how expensive living in New York was. Of course, they had both saved up what they thought was enough money for their first couple months; but after being in Brooklyn for less than a month their savings were coming to an end; and fast.

When Taylor was unpacking he came across an envelope that he didn’t remember stuffing into his suitcase. He opened it to reveal a few too many fifties that were undoubtedly from his mother. Zac entered his bedroom a couple moments later, a matching envelope in his hand.

After calling Diane to thank her, they dubbed that money as an ‘Emergency Fund’ for when their bank accounts were exceptionally low.   They didn’t have to use it for furniture, since they chose an apartment that was already furnished which saved them at least a couple thousand dollars.

Zac was sitting cross-legged on his bed, his laptop resting atop his knees. He was desperately trying to find an unlocked Wi-Fi signal so that he could at least check his email. He didn’t realize how much of a luxury cable and internet were until he couldn’t afford it.

 “Fuck it.” He declared to his empty bedroom, slapping down the lid of his laptop. He wouldn’t be able to stand another minute in his all too quiet bedroom, he remembered the Starbucks at end of his block sporting a large sign reading ‘Free Wi-Fi.’ He understood now why it was always so packed any time he passed by.

Checking the time, he noted it was close to three o’clock. Meaning that if he wanted to go, he’d have to go alone with Taylor not getting home until almost five most nights when we was working.

Exchanging his grey sweatpants for a pair of dark colored jeans and changing into a cleaner shirt, he began his trek out of the apartment and down the road.

***

Isaac listened as the woman seated in front of him droned on and on about her issues with her relationship. Lisa had been coming to his practice for over a year now and while she normally wasn’t an irritating client, he was practically praying that the second hand on the clock behind her head would move just a little bit faster. 

He shifted lower in the oversized arm chair that perfectly matched the love seat where Lisa was seated, his hands clasping together in his lap. She was recalling the events of the previous night where she asked her husband _again_ about whether or not he was ready for a second child, when _again_ he responded with a swift, ‘No.’

Lisa and her husband, Dave, had originally made their appointments together and it was Isaac who suggested he should counsel them separately. At first, he couldn’t understand why Dave wouldn’t want another child. He had a solid income with the business that he owned and it wasn’t like they had to worry about hiring a baby nurse when Lisa was a stay at home mother with their three year old. It wasn’t until he spoke to him alone when Dave confided that he and Lisa had problems long before their first child, and that Lisa saw her pregnancy as a way of keeping them together.

Now, they were stuck. Two very different people cemented into a marriage that now doesn’t come with an expiration date.

Isaac would be fooling himself if he didn’t see the similarities between the Rosenberg’s and his relationship with Michayla.

Except, of course, for one solid detail – they weren’t married yet.

Even though Michayla would probably rather have kids than a wedding, seeing what the Rosenberg’s relationship has resulted in, hadn’t really changed Isaac’s mind.

Their relationship hadn’t always been that way, either. When they first met in high school it was as if they were made for each other. Something that was seen as only a summer fling by their families quickly turned into something much more. By 19, they moved together to Denver, Colorado to attend college. Isaac majored in child psychology while Michayla found her interest in teaching.

It wasn’t until one of Michayla’s older sisters, Michelle, married her high school sweetheart that a fire was lit. After months of conversations about their lives together, Isaac said something that his future self could slap his naïve past self for.

Isaac told Michayla that after he finished his Doctorate that they would settle down and start their white picket fence life together.

Six years from that conversation and one ‘Dr. Isaac Hanson’ later, his words were coming back to bite him in the ass. Hard.

Lisa was mid-sentence when Isaac’s cell phone vibrated roughly against his wooden desk. He simply waved it off, motioning for Lisa to continue. Isaac noted the time, figuring it must have been a bill collector since his family, including Michayla, knew well enough to text instead of call during his work hours.

“I just keep thinking that maybe if I can somehow go about it another way, he really will-” Lisa was interrupted once again by the unruly telemarketer who just wouldn’t give up.

“I am so sorry.” Isaac apologized, standing from his chair to check his phone.

2 missed calls. 11 text messages.

“If it’s an emergency you can take it, it’s almost that time anyway.” Lisa said, noting the confused look he was giving his iPhone.

“No, no,” Isaac pocketed the phone, getting back to his seat, “finish your thought.”

Another five minutes, and a ‘see you next week’, he finally checked his text messages.

Ten were from Michayla, one from his mother.

_“Isaac, please call me.”_

_“Are you there?”_

_“It’s an emergency!”_

He only read through the first three before dialing Michayla in a panic, his mind going in a million different directions.

“Finally!” Michayla was out of breath.

“Is everything okay?!”

“Everything is…. Perfect.” She replied in an even, calm tone.

“Michayla, you said it was an emergency.” Isaac should have known this was just another ploy to get him worked up.

“Can you stop home on your lunch?”

Isaac rolled his eyes, “I have a lot of work-”

“Please?” Michayla interjected. Something about the tone of her voice was off… almost as if she sounded… happy.

“Are you sure everything is okay?” He asked suspiciously.

“More than okay. I’ll see you then. I love you!”

With that, the line beeped signaling that she hung up.

\---  
  
“Mr. Hanson?  I’m confused.”  
  
The small voice shouted out from the middle of the classroom, a hand shooting up and being waved around.  Taylor turned around from the dry erase board, looking for the child that the voice was coming from.

“What’s confusing you, Henry?”  He capped his marker, leaning into his desk.  Almost all of the other kids were copying down what he had just written on the board.  
  
“I don’t get it. Can we do it again?”  
  
Taylor nodded his head, clapping his hands together to grab the attention of his students.

“Sure Henry.  Class?  Let’s do it again.”  
  
Almost immediately a chorus of small voices, led by Taylor began to recite the rhyme he had just taught them.  
  
“ _Face is for the space. Every good boy deserves fudge.”_  
  
Taylor couldn’t help but laugh, now standing at the front of a classroom, teaching a group of eight year olds the same tricks he had learned at that age.  After repeating it a few more times while pointing to the notes on the staff he had drawn out, it seemed like Henry understood.  Satisfied, Taylor moved on to the next lesson of the morning.  
\---  
  
Zac flipped open his laptop, his hand drumming against the table as he impatiently waited for it to start up. He took a sip from his way too hot coffee, burning the roof of his mouth as he did so.  He looked around the packed Starbucks, thankful for a spot against the wall.  Without reading anything, Zac accepted the terms of the free Wi-Fi, thankful to see five full signal bars on the lower right hand of his screen. Without wasting any more time he opened up a new window, immediately logging into his e-mail account.   
  
He skimmed through the first few subjects, most of it being junk mail.  He finally spotted a subject line that caught his attention, it was a response from a job posting that he had replied to a few days ago.  He opened it up, excited that it wasn’t an immediate no, like all of the others.  There was a phone number attached to the bottom, with instructions on who to ask for about the job.  It was a pizza parlor, not too far from here.  He pulled his phone out, entering the number when he felt a cold mist on his arm.  
  
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry!”  The female barista swiftly apologized, running for a napkin at the milk and cream station just to her left.  
  
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”  Zac replied, wiping away at his arm with his hand, though the girl was already back with a wad of napkins.  She had accidentally sprayed him with cleaning solution while wiping down the empty table next to Zac’s.  
  
“I didn’t get your computer wet did I?”   
  
Zac laughed, accepting the napkins and quickly wiping away at his arm, placing the napkins in a pile on the table.  
  
“No, no.  It’s fine. You barely even got me.”  Zac finally looked over at her, feeling embarrassed that she was making such a big deal over it.   
  
She was probably only a few inches shorter than him, her long brown hair pulled back in a pony-tail, her bangs pushed off to the side, though they kept falling in front of her eyes, causing her to push them away with her hand as she spoke.  She didn’t have on much makeup, but from what Zac could tell she didn’t need it.  Even though she was wearing a ridiculous green Starbucks apron, Zac found her attractive.  She was pretty without trying, and thinking this way just made Zac more embarrassed.  
  
She apologized again and then retreated back to the counter a dish rag and spray bottle in her hand.   
  
Zac’s attention went back to his email, dialing the pizza parlor number into his phone.  
  
\---

“Michayla?”

Isaac entered his house, dropping his keys on the kitchen counter. There were two other cars he didn’t recognize parked in the driveway next to hers. But, when he heard the high pitched voices coming from his living room, he knew exactly who they belonged to.

‘ _The Sister Wives_ ,’ are what Zac and Taylor referred to Michayla’s sisters as. Isaac wasn’t entirely sure his own mother knew their actual names.

“I’m in the bedroom!” Her voice called out.

Isaac stepped through the hallway, stopping at the living room first to offer up a small wave to the girls. All three were glued to their cell phones. The oldest, Michelle eventually looked up and threw him a friendly smile.

Michayla was facing the mirror in the bathroom that attached to their master bedroom. She saw his reflection and instantly spun around, stepping forward to wrap her arms around his shoulders.

Isaac was taken aback by the sign of affection, neither of them having so much as laid a finger on each other in the past week. Right after the going away party it was as if a switch flipped and their fighting escalated to a whole new level.  The usual bickering turned into full on screaming matches.

When she pulled away, he could see tears in her eyes but the giant grin threw him off.

“I thought you said everything was fine…”

Michayla took a step back and sat down at the edge of their bed. She patted the comforter signaling for Isaac to take a seat next to her.

“I'm sorry for this morning,” she started, “I completely over-reacted... I just get upset when you make me feel like I don’t come first.”

Isaac furrowed his brows, unsure of where this was suddenly coming from. In the ten years they had been together, he could only remember her apologizing one other time.

“It feels like nothing I have to say matters to you.” Michayla continued, reaching out to grasp his hands.

“You know that’s not true Michayla,” He responded, “I just get upset because I feel like you’re pressuring me to make decisions that I’m not ready to make.”

“I don’t understand why you _don’t_ want to make them yet. I mean, we’re adults. We’ve been together for almost ten years. It’s what comes next.”

 He _knew_ it. He knew that somehow whatever _this_ was would turn back around. He let go of her hand and stood from the bed.

“Maybe for you this is what comes next. Not for me. I don’t know any other way to explain this to you, to make you understand that I am not ready.”

“Of course, Isaac. Because like I said, all of this is about _you_!” Michayla stood up, pointing her thumb towards herself, “What about me? What about all the time that I’ve spent trying as hard as I possibly could to keep this relationship afloat and what do I get from that? Oh, that’s right, absolutely fucking nothing!”

“You made me come home for this? Eleven text messages?  For _this_?” Isaac laughed to himself, looking up towards the ceiling.

“It’s the truth Isaac! I’ve given up so much for you in hopes that maybe someday you would decide that you want the same things that I do!” She continued, ignoring his last statement.

“I never asked you to sacrifice anything to be with me! If that’s how you really feel then why even be together?”

“Because I love you Isaac.” Michayla’s eyes were glassed over as she stared up at him.

“Michayla, listen to me. Really listen to what I’m saying,” Isaac reached his hands out to rest them on her shoulders, “I don’t want to start a family. I don’t want to be a father. It has nothing to do with you and the way that you feel about me. I know that it’s something that’s important to you but I can’t go into this halfway and make you promises that I know I can’t keep.”

The tears started to free fall down her cheeks as he continued to speak, “Maybe the best thing for me to do right now is to let you go so that you don’t waste anymore of your time on me.”

Michayla shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks now.  “You don’t get it Isaac, you really just don’t understand what I’m trying to say.” Isaac rubbed at his face in frustration. The only thing he could feel right now was exhaustion.  Tired of the arguing, tired of this conversation.  He didn’t want to play these games anymore.  She made him race her, thinking it was some kind of emergency.

Michayla stood up reaching into the back pocket of her jeans, pulling something out. She gripped it in her right hand before throwing it directly at his chest.

“Congratulations, _Dad_.”

She spat the words out at him, spinning on her heel and running out of the room, the door slamming hard behind her.

Isaac stood motionless, staring down at his feet.  He knew what it was, but didn’t want to believe it.  Slowly he bent down to pick up the white stick and holding it in his hand. The pale blue plus sign staring back at him, almost taunting him for the words he just spoke.

 


	4. "Do you ever go to Starbucks?"

The congested sidewalk that Zac was walking on was bustling with people, even though it was close to nine at night. At this time back home in Tulsa, stores were just starting to close up and the very few bars that stayed open later weren’t nearly as crowded as here. The sounds still took him by surprise, too. The cars whizzing by, constantly laying on their horns reminded him of every movie he ever saw based in the city. It truly was the city that never sleeps.

When it came to navigating the streets, he didn’t have the same sense of direction that his brother did. ‘ _The streets go in numbered order, how can you mess that up?’_ Taylor told him after Zac had been late to his new job at the pizza parlor almost every day his first week. Zac was determined to maneuver the streets without the stupid Google Maps app on his phone. Which would explain why he was completely lost on his way to meet Taylor and his fellow teachers at a bar not too far from their apartment - but still an undiscovered area for Zac.

After walking around in what he was convinced were circles for close to forty five minutes, he eventually caved in and pulled out his iPhone, tapping around on his home screen until he found Google Maps. He frustratingly sighed as he typed in the name of the bar, seeing that he was only a mere block away. He silently laughed at himself, _I fucking knew it_.

He picked up his pace, pulling his leather jacket closer to his body to stave off the wind that was whipping at him from between the buildings. Snowflakes started to fall, catching against the leather and melting just as quickly. He reached for his hood and pulled it over his head.

Zac stopped in front of a small brick building, a sign illuminating the word ‘Delancey’s’ above his head. He took a step inside, the sounds of the city being shut out once the door swung close. The active chatter of the room soon replaced the noisy streets. He had his ID ready for the bouncer, receiving a lime green wristband.

He searched the room for Taylor, eventually spotting him mid full body laugh at a table near the center of the room. The bar wasn’t too crowded, which Zac was thankful for. However, Taylor just so happened to be seated in the middle of the most lively table in the whole room. Zac rolled his eyes, heading for his brother.

“Finally!” Taylor exclaimed once he noticed his brother. “Guys, this is my brother, Zac!”

Zac waved to the group of teachers seated around the high-top table. Taylor rattled off their names, some of which Zac remembered from Taylor’s many stories about work.

“I’m gonna grab a drink.” Zac stated before heading off to the bar. He was already feeling awkward within the group, even though they had been nothing but nice so far.

Zac tapped his foot to the 90’s playlist blaring through the speakers as he waited for the bartender to send his Jack and Coke over. He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, which was a wonder since he was positive his body was still numb from how cold he was from walking in circles. His fished his phone out of his jeans, inadvertently bumping arms with the girl who was seated next to him.

“Sorry.” They apologized at the same time. The brunette looked over at Zac with a friendly smile before shifting her gaze back to her friend. Something about her face seemed familiar to him, but he quickly ignored it, instead focusing on the text from Isaac.

_‘Dude, are you busy?’_

He padded out a reply, _‘No, what’s up?’_

The bartender finally returned with his drink, setting it in front of him, “it’ll be $10.00.”

Placing his money on the counter, his phone vibrated once more, this time an incoming phone call. Zac placed a white napkin over his full drink, and headed outside so he could hear who was on the other end.

“Can you talk right now?” Isaac asked as soon as Zac picked up.

“Yeah, I’m just out with Tay, what’s up?” Zac could sense something off in his voice as he sighed heavily. “Is everything okay?”

“No,” Isaac snorted, “Well, nothing _terrible_ happened. I’m just not okay.” When Zac was silent, Isaac continued.

“Michayla is pregnant.” Isaac blurted out.

“Oh, shit.” Zac said, surprised.  “What the hell are you going to do?”  
  
Isaac exhaled heavily into the other line, “I mean, I’m going to do what I have to do. This is just so unbelievable, and the timing couldn’t be any worse. Or more of a coincidence.”  
  
“Wait, what are you saying?  That Michayla did this on purpose?” The remark took Zac by surprise, but he wouldn’t put it past her.  
  
“No, I don’t think so. But I mean, we’ve been together for a decade and we’ve never had as much as a pregnancy scare…”  
  
Zac nodded his head, though Isaac couldn’t see him.  
  
“Jesus Ike, how did this even happen?”

Isaac almost laughed and thought about making a joke that his brother never had The Birds and The Bees talk, but this situation was too _fucked_ for him to even try.

“There was like, this three day span where she was _actually_ acting like the person she used to be. You know, where she wasn’t constantly nagging me about our fucking future together, so we-“

“Dude, I get it.” Zac interrupted, shaking the thought of his brother being _intimate_ with Michayla.

“Anyway, I come home for lunch last Friday and she’s being strange. Like, acting all fucking sweet and saying she’s sorry for how she’s been acting.”

“You’re right, that is fucking strange.”

Isaac snickered, continuing, “So of course, we end up fighting, big surprise. And I just said it, Zac. I told her that maybe we should break up. I just got so fucking angry, you know? I was just so drained. And then she just throws the pregnancy test at me and storms out.”

Zac shook his head in disbelief. Isaac confided in him more than any one.  The last thing his brother wanted right now was the start a family.

“Fuck, man. So what are you going to do?”

“I’ve been staying at Mom’s-“

“Oh God, Mom knows?”

“Michayla called mom right after she told me, of course. So now I’ve been staying here for the past week. She has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning I’m obviously going to go with her.” Isaac wouldn’t let her go alone, he couldn’t. He was going to take responsibility for his actions, obviously feeling a sense of obligation to his girlfriend, or whatever they were right now.

“Well, good luck with that, dude.” Zac felt sorry for his brother, already imagining in his head the requests he’ll have to fulfill considering how high maintenance Michayla is just on her _own._

“Thanks, I’ll definitely be needing that…” Isaac trailed off, changing the subject, “How’s your fancy new job going?”

Zac laughed, filling in Isaac with some of the details of his new part-time job. The truth was, he actually kind of liked it. He enjoyed the people that he worked with since they were close to his age, and it wasn’t like it was a difficult job to get the hang of. It was really nothing new for him, already having worked at Domino’s when he turned 16 and Walker forced him to get a job. _I’m not paying for your shit anymore,_ as his father so lovingly put.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to your night out, I appreciate you giving me an ear to vent.  I just had to tell you guys.” Isaac stated.  
  
“Don’t worry about it man, I’m glad you called.”  
  
They said their goodbyes, Zac heading back inside the bar.

Taylor was talking to an attractive blonde at the counter when Zac went to retrieve his drink.

“Oh, Zac, this is Penny. She works in the office at school.” Taylor introduced Zac, the blonde reaching out her hand for his to shake.

“Nice to meet you.” He offered a friendly smile, taking a sip from his drink. He almost had to squint his eyes with how strong it was, getting a mouthful of Jack Daniels.

The three were having a conversation when they were interrupted by the brunette that Zac had accidentally elbowed.

“Pen, I’m gonna take off, I have work early tomorrow.” She spoke apologetically while rolling her eyes at the thought of having to end the night so soon.

“I should actually be heading out, too.” Penny said, more to Taylor than Zac.

“Oh, okay, I’ll see you Monday, then.” Taylor said, leaning in for a hug.

“I’m so happy you finally came out, Taylor.” She replied with a smile. The kind of innocent smile that’s meant for a guy who also has a girlfriend. “It was nice to meet you too, Zac.”

“Yeah, same.” Zac offered her a nod, watching as the two girls gathered their belongings and headed for the door.

“She’s cute, huh.” Taylor stated once they were out of ear shot.

“You have a girlfriend.” Zac reminded his brother.

“That doesn’t mean I can’t still look. Plus, Rachel’s been acting fucking weird lately.”

“That’s nothing new.” Zac recalled Taylor telling him how Rachel had been barely answering his phone calls lately. Rachel was meant to visit them in a couple weeks for Thanksgiving, and Taylor’s hopes for that were slowly dwindling with each dodged call. The past few days he had spent more time on the phone with her voicemail than he had with her.

"She never acted like this back home, I don't get why all of a sudden she's ignoring me, I don't know, maybe she's busy."

Zac snorted, "With what? She's a hostess at a Mexican restaurant."

Taylor glared at his brother, getting defensive, "Yeah, and she's back in school now. She has a lot on her plate."

"Okay, Tay." Zac took a sip of his drink. He couldn't remember if this was his third or fourth, but the whiskey was making his face hot and he regretted wearing so many layers.

"Don't _'Okay Tay_ ' me, why do you hate her so much? She's never had a problem with you."

"Look, I'm not trying to be a dick. I hope she does call you back. But I'm just saying, you're in a completely new place, maybe you should start thinking of other options. I wouldn't put too much stock in it if I were you."

"Why do you always say shit like that? You're always so negative about everything." Taylor pointed out.

"I don’t know Taylor, maybe she's cheating on you. All the signs are there." Zac shrugged his shoulders, his gaze straight ahead. It was a low blow and he knew that. As much as Taylor denied it, he still had this suspicions but always chalked it up to him being his paranoid self.

Rachel wasn’t that kind of girl and Taylor knew her better than that. His brother was just jealous. Bitter because he couldn’t so much as form coherent words when talking a girl. It was just jealousy.

"You're such a fucking asshole sometimes." Taylor huffed, shaking his head in disbelief. He grabbed his beer from the counter and headed back towards the group in the middle of the bar, leaving his brother standing alone.

Zac downed the rest of his drink, barely tasting the whiskey at that point. He put on his leather jacket and headed towards the doors, not even so much as giving his brother a second glance.

***

The horribly loud alarm blared through the dimly lit bedroom. Taylor stirred in his sleep, blindly reaching for his phone to silence to god awful sound. He must have forgotten to turn it off before he passed out last night.

Once he succeeded in pressing the snooze button, he waited for the quiet sounds of cars passing by his window to lull him back into a deep sleep.

Then, the jackhammer started up.

He groaned, clenching his pillow over both of his ears. His head feeling as if it were in a vice, while it felt as if they rest of him had been hit by a truck.

He wasn't sure what was making him feel worse, the fact that he had only gotten about three hours of sleep the night before, or if it were the six mixed drinks he had consumed.

Taylor tried tuning out the sounds from the street and the pain in his head. With the pillow still over his head he squeezed his eyes closed, trying to force himself back into the dream he could already barely remember.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"  Zac yelled from his bedroom, slamming his window shut. Taylor heard his brother's door swing open, and then his feet padding against the hardwood as he mumbled something unintelligible to himself.

At this point Taylor had all but given up the prospect of more sleep and instead tossed the pillow to the side. Taylor reached for his phone, the brightness taking him by surprise. He saw that it was a little after 7 AM, and that he also had two missed calls from Rachel.

One at 3 and one at 4. 

Then there was a knock on his door. "You up?"

 _How could I fucking not be?_ “Mhmm.” Taylor mumbled loud enough so Zac could hear him.

“There’s no more coffee.”

“So go back to sleep.” Taylor croaked out, closing his eyes once again.

“Do you hear that shit outside?” Zac twisted the door knob, entering the room without a warning.

Taylor’s sheets were completely rumpled. He had one leg out of the comforter, both of his arms splayed above him.

“Mmm.” Was all Taylor managed to get out.

“Well I’m going to shower and head to Starbucks, this is your official invite.” Zac left the room as quickly as he entered, without closing the door.

Taylor contemplated actually getting up. He desperately needed a water and an aspirin. Especially if he was going to return Rachel’s calls and it didn’t seem like he would be getting any more sleep, either. He stretched his arms over his head, grumbling as he willed his body to leave his warm bed.

***

“And I thought Tulsa had it bad in the winter. It’s a fucking ice box.” Zac stated as he took a seat at his regular table towards the back. He pulled his messenger back up onto the table top, figuring at some point he’d want to use his laptop.

Starbucks was fairly busy for a Saturday morning. There was a line about five deep at the registers and Taylor felt his mouth almost watering at the prospect of a vanilla cappuccino. “I’m gonna go order.”

Zac’s eyes were fixed on his phone when Taylor returned with two mugs and a bagel for each of them.

“Oh dude, have you talked to Ike?” Zac asked, remembering their conversation last night.

“Not today, why?” Taylor asked through a mouthful of cream cheese.

“Michayla’s pregnant. He called me last night to tell me.”

“Wait, what?!” Taylor asked surprised.

“Taylor, right?” A soft voice interrupted from behind.

It was the same girl that Zac had always seen when he was there. How did she know Taylor?

Taylor looked up at her, eyes searching her face for a second.

“I’m Penny’s friend, Katelyn, we met last night.” The brunette answered for him, seeing the confusion cross his face.

“Of course! Sorry, I’m a little out of it still. I didn’t realize you worked here.”

“Yeah, it’s just a part time job until I start up school again.” She answered, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What do you go to school for?” Taylor asked.

“Art, I’m an artist.” She replied with a proud smile. She had the tiniest hint of a dimple on her left cheek and Zac thought it was the most adorable thing he had ever seen on a girl. The florescent lighting of the coffee shop made her hazel eyes stick out against her light complexion. She was beautiful. Naturally beautiful.

“Huh, no way. Hey, my brother’s an art major too.” Taylor said, motioning towards Zac who had been silent throughout the entire encounter.

Zac cleared his throat, offering a simple nod.  
  
  
“Wait a minute, I thought I recognized you last night. You come in here all the time, right?”  
  
Zac was taken aback, and a little embarrassed. Hoping she hadn’t seen him staring at her. He honestly didn’t think she had ever even noticed him.

“Where do you go to school?” She asked curiously, interrupting Zac’s paranoid thoughts.

“Um, I’ll be starting at NYU soon.” Zac stuttered out, feeling his face flush red.

“Nice, I’m transferring there for the spring. Maybe I’ll see you around.” She grinned at Zac, a hopeful tone to her voice.

“Good to see you, Taylor,” She said, placing a hand on his shoulder, “You too, Taylor’s brother.”

Zac forced a smile and nodded as Taylor replied, “You too.”

“Could you stare any more longingly at her?” Taylor said in a low tone so only Zac could hear.

“Shut up. I did not.” He denied, gazing back towards his phone.

“Why don’t you just go talk to her? Or better yet, I’ll talk to her for you.” Taylor teased.

“Taylor. Shut up. Don’t you have a girlfriend to harass?” Zac spat, trying to re-direct his brother’s attention.

Taylor remembered everything Zac said last night, but chose to ignore it. Zac was in a bad mood for whatever reason and decided to take it out on Taylor, that’s all. Rachel would never cheat on Taylor, it was just a ridiculous accusation.

Taylor did find it a bit odd that he had missing calls from her so late at night. She wasn’t usually a night owl – and anytime they did hang out late she would become anxious and practically beg him to take her home.  

Instead of returning her calls, he decided to send her a quick text.

‘ _I need to talk to you.’_

***

It had been a slow night at the pizza parlor, especially for a Saturday. Zac didn’t care though, because slow nights meant he and Dean could sneak out the back door of the building and smoke. It wasn’t something Zac had imagined he would be doing, especially at work, but he was thankful for the new friend, and the common interest. Dean was a few years older than Zac, and had lived in the West Village his entire life. He was also one of the very few people in the city who owned a car. This meant on the night’s they shared a shift, Zac saved money on public transportation and they rode in together.  

Now the pair stood outside with their backs to the building, Zac cupping his hands over the flame on Dean’s lighter as he tried to light the joint. The wind making the task much more difficult than it had to be and Zac was growing anxious. They only ever had a few minutes outside, anymore and Zac was convinced they would be caught. Not so much by an employee, but a customer.  
  
“Son of a bitch, this thing just won’t light.” Dean complained, frustrated with the harsh wind, his face already reddened from the cold.  
  
“Give it to me,” Zac offered, craning his neck back towards the door to check and make sure no one was out looking for them as he took the joint and placed it between his lips.   
  
Zac hunched over, hiding behind the dumpster from the wind, Dean impatiently wringing his hands together.  
  
“Finally,” Zac let out, holding the smoke in his lungs as he spoke. Without wasting any time he passed the joint over to Dean who took his own long drag.  The joint was passed back and forth only a handful of times before it was nearly gone. Just in time too, because Zac was sure his fingers were going to freeze and fall right off. And he was sure at this point he reeked of marijuana, though he was hoping the cold wind had worked in his favor and blown most of the smoke away from him.  
  
***  
  
“Do you ever go to Starbucks?” Zac asked with a laugh, his focus on the counter in front of him that he had wiped down four times already. The time seemed to stop after coming back inside, the pizzeria hadn’t been this slow since he had started, and the silence was nearly killing him. Finally his paranoid thoughts had gotten the best of him and he decided to try and start a conversation.

Dean looked over his shoulder at Zac, his eyes fixating on the back of his head. He had been in the same position for nearly an hour, leaned against the metal shelf that held the pizza boxes, busying himself with his phone.  
  
“Do I look like someone who goes to Starbucks?” He replied, finally turning himself around and leaning backwards into the shelving, his phone still in his hand.

There was no denying that Dean and Zac were almost complete opposites when it came to physical appearance. Dean had shoulder length blond hair that he kept held back in a ponytail at the back of his neck along with a full beard. He wasn’t dirty, but he definitely wasn’t clean either. His hair had a constant grease shine to it, and he was always getting in trouble at work for his unruly facial hair. Dean didn’t seem to care though, and would throw on a hair net anytime he saw the owner walk through the door. He wore his jeans a lot looser and only seemed to own black t-shirts, but other than that you could say they had the same style of clothes. The biggest difference were the tattoos. Which covered not only both of his arms, but from what Zac could tell almost his entire body.  
  
“There’s just this girl, I don’t know. I think I’m kind of into her, but I already know I’m going to completely fuck it up.”  
  
“Nothing like self-confidence.” Dean laughed, “Have you talked to her?”  
  
“Not really. I know her because she works at Starbucks, and she just happens to be a friend of my brother’s coworker, which was a really weird coincidence.”  
  
“So she’s a friend of your brother’s, but you’ve never talked to her?”  
  
“I only just found that out last night. And they’re not exactly friends, she’s more of a friend of a friend,” Zac stopped himself, realizing Dean was no longer paying attention to what he was saying, but instead had taken a phone call.  
  
“Yeah, I’m inside. You here?” Dean looked out the front window, making it clear he was looking for the person who was on the other line. Zac’s eyes immediately found the lone car parked in the lot. He hadn’t noticed it before, and was unsure how long it had been sitting outside.   
  
“Meet me out back,” Dean said again, giving Zac an unsure look.  
  
Before he could ask any questions the headlights turned off and the door opened, a man climbing out of the driver’s seat as Dean hung up the phone.  
  
“Sorry about that man, I want to hear more about this, but I just have to handle something real quick.” Dean tucked his phone into his back pocket and made for the back door, leaving Zac alone at the counter. Zac watched as the driver of the car walked around the building, going to meet Dean at the back.  
  
He followed a few steps behind Dean, curious as to who this person was and what he was doing here.  He could hear the pair talking, but couldn’t make out what was being said. His curiosity got the best of him and he leaned around the back wall, a clear view of Dean and his visitor. As soon as his eyes fell on the door, he regretted it.  He saw as Dean handed over a wad of cash, the man handing him a paper bag in return.  Zac knew immediately he wasn’t supposed to see what just happened, and felt guilty. He quickly retreated back to front.  He nearly jumped out of his skin when the phone to the pizzeria rang.

“Son of a bitch, we close in twenty minutes.”  He grumbled, reaching for the phone. It had been so quiet in the store for the past few hours he had almost forgot he was at work.  
  
“Antonio’s Pizza,” Zac answered, reaching for the delivery pad and pen that sat on the countertop, “What can I get you?” He tried his best to not let the annoyance on his voice show. Deliveries that came in this late were always drunk college students, and they almost always gave a next to nothing tip.  
  
Zac nervously bit at his cheek as he wrote down the phone order, his eyes fixated on the door frame waiting for Dean to emerge from the back room.  He was afraid Dean knew he had seen what just happened, and the last thing he wanted to do was fuck up and make working with Dean awkward.  He wrote down the two extra-large pizza orders and hung up the phone, annoyed that he had to fire up the oven again, especially after they had already cleaned and started putting the ingredients away an hour ago.  
  
Dean looked annoyed when he finally returned, Zac already sliding both pizzas into the large brick oven.  
  
“Did we seriously get a delivery?” The frustration evident on his voice as he noted the time.  “We close in ten goddamn minutes.  People are so fucking annoying.” He grabbed for the insulated pizza bag and threw it onto the counter top.  
  
“Guess I won’t be getting home on time tonight.”  He continued as he slammed his hands down onto the countertop, at the same time grabbing for Zac’s cleaning rag.  
  
“Everything alright?” Zac was taken aback by the sudden change in Dean’s attitude.  
  
“Let’s just get this fucking over with,” he snapped, quickly cleaning up the ingredients on the countertop as Zac removed the two pizzas from the oven and placed them into boxes.  
  


 

 

 

 

 


	5. "Zac is going to be SO excited you're finally here."

  
  
“What do you think about Eleanor for a girl?”  Michayla asked from the opposite end of the sofa, her feet in Isaac’s lap as she went through the book of baby names she had borrowed from her sister Michelle.  
  
“ _Eleanor?”_   Isaac snickered, “Isn’t that kind of old lady-ish?”   
  
Michayla dropped her book lower, peeking over the top at Isaac.  
  
“Well, she’s eventually going to be an old lady. And besides, it’s not old lady-ish, I happen to like it.”  She brought the book back up scanning through a few more pages.  
  
“Well, I’m not a fan of that one. What about Emily?”   
  
Michayla thought to herself for a moment before responding, her head tilting slightly to the left. Finally she nodded.  
  
“You know what, I like that one.”  Smiling she grabbed for the pen that had been resting on her stomach, writing the name down on a small piece of paper that was doubling as her bookmark.  
  
“I’m glad we agree, but we both know it’s going to be a boy anyway.” Isaac stated with a smug grin, “So going over girl names is kind of pointless.”  
  
It had taken him a few days to let the news really sink in; but now he was starting to get excited over the pregnancy. He was going to be a _dad_.

And he was going to be a _good_ dad.

He had finally accepted the fact that whether he was ready or not, this baby was coming. The realization only made him see how selfish he was being. Thinking back on the hurtful things he had said to Michayla now made him cringe. He had been acting like an asshole. And so, three days after the doctor’s appointment he moved back in, vowing to her that he was ready. He wanted to be a part of this baby’s life; and he wanted to do it with _her_.  
  
Michayla just laughed at Isaac’s arrogance, shaking her head.  
  
“You know, you keep talking like that and you’re bound to get a girl.”  
  
  
***  
  


“So you’re not coming for Thanksgiving at all?”

Taylor was hiding out in a far corner of the Teacher’s Lounge speaking softly into his cell phone, not wanting to draw attention to himself. Rachel was on the other end, explaining how she wouldn’t be joining him for the holiday, because apparently ‘something came up.’

“Listen, they’re not gonna budge on this one. I mean, it _is_ Thanksgiving, they want me to be here.”

Taylor let out a groan. Rachel letting him down had become somewhat of a recurring theme lately, and he wasn’t sure how much more of it he could take.

“Where are you even going?” Taylor probed, his frustration evident in his tone, though his focus was now on Penny who had just quietly entered the break room.  
  
Penny gave a silent wave and smile, quickly moving towards the refrigerator to retrieve her lunch. Doing her best not to eavesdrop on his conversation.

“My dad wants us to spend it with _his_ side of the family this year. And it’s really important to him that I’m a part of that. It’s family, what am I supposed to do?” Rachel was beginning to get frustrated now too, and she wasn’t trying to hide it.

“So you’re just spending the day there? What if you come for just the weekend?”

Rachel was silent for a minute. Taylor couldn’t see why Saturday and Sunday wouldn’t work for her.

“You’re being unreasonable, I’m not going to do all of that for a quick two day trip. You know, I was disappointed enough as it is, you’re really not making me feel any better about the whole situation.” Taylor could hear a seperate voice in the background, though he couldn’t make out what they were saying. “Listen, I have to go. I’ll call you later.” Without waiting for so much as a goodbye, the phone clicked. Rachel’s end going silent.

 Taylor stared at his phone for a moment like it had somehow done something wrong. Of course he was pissed, but beyond that hurt. A couple days ago, he finally mustered the courage to confront her about the way she was acting - only for all of his words to be completely shot down. Rachel told him that he was simply being ridiculous, and that if he honestly thought she was messing around on him that they should break up.

That was the last thing Taylor wanted and honestly, he wasn’t even entirely sure what he expected from the conversation. He was upset at himself for letting Zac’s stupid drunken words affect him so damn much. It ended with Taylor apologizing for being such a terrible, untrusting boyfriend.

With Rachel’s words still replaying in his head he grabbed his Tupperware from the fridge that held some left over pasta he had made the night before.

“Everything okay?” Penny asked when he slumped into the seat next to her at the round table in the center of the room.

“Yeah, just stupid relationship stuff.” Taylor tried covering his annoyance with a soft laugh, Penny nodded in understanding.

“What are your plans for Thursday?” He asked, putting a forkful of pasta into his mouth.  
  
“Boring family stuff.” She shrugged, “what about you? Isn’t your mom coming to visit?” She recalled Taylor mentioning how Diane insisted her family would never be apart on a holiday – even if it meant flying across the United States. _She means well, but sometimes she can be a little… much_ , Taylor had explained. But to Penny, what caring mother wasn’t?

“Yup, she flies in tomorrow.” Taylor trying his best to not sound upset, not bothering to make eye contact as he continued eating.

Penny looked over at him, something about his body language just seemed… off. She figured the phone call she happened to walk in on was the cause.

“You sure you’re okay, Hanson?” Penny asked playfully; a hopeful attempt at lightening the mood.

Taylor’s lips curled up the tiniest bit at the nickname, “Yeah, I’m fine…. I’ll be fine.” He recovered. Quickly reaching his hand over, he snatched a potato chip from the bag Penny was eating from.

“Excuse me, get your own!” Penny faked annoyance, hiding the chip bag out of view.

The bell rang throughout the small lounge, signaling the classes were changing and that Taylor’s break was over.  
  


***  
  
Diane nervously sat at baggage claim, waiting for the carousel to bring her luggage around to her. She couldn’t help but feel nervous, her stomach in knots as she eagerly waited to get out of the airport and to her son’s apartment. Even though it had only been two months it felt much longer.

As soon as Taylor and Zac left, the house felt incredible empty. Cold, even. Diane would sometimes dread coming home from work, knowing her boys wouldn’t be just getting up and trudging around the kitchen with sleepy eyes trying to figure out what to eat for breakfast. The first thing Taylor always did without fail was start brewing the coffee, always making sure there was just enough made for when she got home.

Now, she was greeted with a perpetually irritated husband, sitting in the same old, ripped armchair in the living room. The same armchair Diane had been pestering him about getting rid of for years. Lately the house had been in a constant state of disarray. The living room had it the worst since Walker had taken up sleeping in his old recliner, leaving the space around him cluttered with empty glass tumblers and an overflowing ashtray. Diane had always been adamant about having Walker smoke outside, and for years he had. Now though, the first thing she smelled upon entering the house was the stench of stale cigarettes.

As much as it annoyed her, Diane could deal with the mess and the smoky living room. She could deal with a husband who was distant and unapproachable. But what bothered her the most was how little he cared about his kids.

In the past two months, not one time did Walker ask how Zac and Taylor were doing - if they were adjusting well, or if Taylor had started his job yet, or whether or not Zac had even _found_ a job.

Walker just simply didn’t care and it made Diane sick. It made her start questioning herself if her husband had been like this all along, or if it was just his unhealthy way of dealing with his son’s being in his house. She just couldn’t let herself believe that she was married to a man who could care so little for his own children.

Walker’s recent change in behavior made it no surprise to Diane that she would be making the trip to New York alone. She was actually looking forward to leaving him behind, welcoming the distraction from her depressing routine back home. She was looking forward to the quiet plane ride, it would give her some time to herself, and allow her to think. She knew she had to figure out what exactly she was going to do about this person her husband was becoming. He was turning into something she didn’t want to be around.

After what seemed like forever, she spotted her red suitcase and grabbed for it before it could pass by her again.  Extending its handle she hurried across the airport, the small plastic wheels squeaking against the floor.

This was her first time to ever visit New York, and she was equally excited and nervous. Nervous to see where exactly her boys were living. While she was hoping for the best, she was preparing herself for the worst. She had seen pictures from the inside, but it was the neighborhood she was more concerned about. Only ever hearing horror stories about New York. Excited to spend the holiday with her boys, though it would be the Thanksgiving she had ever spent without Isaac. She understood however that Isaac had other obligations right now.

The airport was much bigger than the one back home and it was definitely more crowded.  She found the packed escalator, pulling her suitcase close to her as it brought her down to the ground floor. From here she could see the street through the wall of glass doors leading outside.  
  
  
***

“Mom!”  Taylor called out, pushing himself up from the wall he was leaning against, hurrying over to Diane, her arms already outstretched towards him.  
  
She pulled him in close for a hug, holding him tight.  
  
“I’ve missed you,” Her voice muffled as her head was pressed into his shoulder. Taylor had been taller than her since he was a teenager, but she was convinced he had grown another inch at least.  
  
“I’ve missed you too mom, I’m so glad you’re here.”  
  
Diane pulled him away at arm’s length to get a better look at him.  
  
“You look like you’ve lost weight, have you been eating?”  Diane’s brow furrowed, the concern etched into her expression. Her role as _Mom_ kicking in almost immediately  
  
“Mom, I promise, I’ve been eating.”  Taylor laughed, shaking his head as he reached for his mother’s bag. She willingly handed it over, while adjusting the knitted gray scarf she was wearing. Doing her best to block out the cold New York air whipping at her neck. She noted Taylor’s coat and how it was much too light for how cold it was out. She already made a plan in her mind to take him out and buy him a heavier one before she left.  
  
“It’s much colder than I thought it would be.” She commented, also noticing Taylor’s red hands and nose.  
  
“Taylor, where are your gloves?  You’re going to be frost-bitten.”  
  
Taylor just laughed, stepping up to the curb and throwing his hand up to wave down a cab.  
  
“Zac is going to be _so_ excited you’re finally here.”  
  
  
***  
  
  
“Mom will you please stop cleaning?” Zac pleaded from his seat on the sofa, his lyric notebook in his lap. The apartment was already cleaner than it had ever been, and his mother had an entire roast in the oven. She made one every year the night before thanksgiving, followed by a delicious home-made pumpkin pie. The smell of it filled the entire apartment, Zac heard his stomach audibly growl more than once.  
  
“You know I can’t help it Zachary, but I am just going to finish up these last few dishes; then I want to hear all about your new job.”  
  
Zac had returned from work an hour ago, his mother practically bowling him over at the door when he arrived home. He wasn’t any less excited than Taylor had been to see their mom, he just had a harder time showing it than him. Nevertheless, he accepted his mother’s giant hug with open arms.  
  
“Oh Zachary, how I’ve missed you.” Diane cooed, rubbing his back with the palm of her hand. Unlike Taylor, she still had an inch or two on her youngest.  
  
“It’s good to see you Mom.” He responded, feeling uncomfortable with the physical contact, though he hadn’t realized just how much he missed his mother’s hugs until he was trapped in one.  
  
As cold as his father was towards him, his mother made up for it in spades. She was constantly telling him how proud she was of him, and how much she loved him. Always showing her affection with a hug, or a kiss on the top of his head as she walked by. Taylor and Isaac just accepted it, but it always made Zac feel so uncomfortable. And that made him feel guilty. This was his mother, he hated that he couldn’t reciprocate with an _“I love you too”_ , even if he didn’t always mean it.  
  
Diane stuck to her word and after placing the final dish in the drying rack she joined Zac on the couch, positioning a pillow behind her back and getting comfortable next to him, eager to hear all about his time in New York.  
  
“So how do you like your new job?” She started.  
  
Zac closed his lyric notebook and dropped it to his lap, repositioning himself on the couch to give his mother some more space.  
  
“It’s good. I mean, the pay isn’t great, but it gets me out of the apartment.” Zac leaned back into the couch, his eyes on the notebook, never one to make eye contact.  
“Well you don’t need anything too hectic, or permanent for now. Soon you’ll be busy enough with school, you’ll be starting classes soon, right?” Diane was trying her hardest not to meddle, it was rare back home that she had a free moment to sit and talk with Zac.  
  
“January.” Zac knew these next few months were going to fly by, and the thought of starting at NYU was beginning to make him more nervous. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was getting himself into.  
  
“So how’s everything back home?”  
  
Zac could see the expression on Diane’s face change. The look was familiar to him, it was the one she always got when she was keeping something from him.  
  
“Different without you boys there for me to clean up after.” Diane forced a smile, her eyes scanning the living room. The apartment was much nicer than she had imagined, and bigger. She was most impressed with the hardwood floors in every room. Something she had always dreamed of having back home in Oklahoma.  
  
“I can tell you’re nervous,” Diane pushed herself a little closer to her son on the couch.  
  
Zac just shrugged, not wanting to get into anything more with his mother. Thankfully, the egg timer in the kitchen went off.  
  
“Pie’s done.” Zac announced, thankful for the interruption.  
  
Diane jumped up without hesitation, quickly heading to the stove to retrieve her homemade pumpkin pie.  
  
Zac remained on the couch, the strong smell of pumpkin and spice filling the living room as soon as his mother opened the oven door.  The timer must have woken Taylor from the nap he had been taking because his bedroom door opened just seconds later and he came out, his hair matted to the side of his face as he slouched into a chair at the table.  
  
“Something smells good.” He yawned, his hands stretching up over his head.

“Hands off until tomorrow!”  
  
  
***

Isaac set down the plates for dinner as Michayla’s nephews ran around his legs, playing a game of hide and seek under the kitchen table. It was finally Thanksgiving, and much to his chagrin, he was spending it at Michayla’s parent’s house.  
  
“Okay boys, that’s enough!” Michelle yelled out from the pantry, her arms full of cutlery. “I’m not going to say it again, take that game out to the yard please!”

Michayla sat in the next room on the sofa looking on, her mother insisting she take it easy and rest while everyone else set up for dinner.  
  
Isaac took a step back to look over the finished table setting. He wanted to be sure that everything looked perfect before escaping to the living room to be with Michayla. Afraid if he stood around for another second her mother would put him back to work. Something she had been hell-bent on doing since he had walked through the front door. Instantly he was summoned to bring out the trash, only to be sent out to the store for forgotten canned items as soon as he finished with his first task. In between running last minute errands and stepping over the kids running around, he had been avoiding an awkward run in with her father. They had exchanged a cordial hello and a handshake when he first arrived, but other than that nothing was said.

Isaac knew her father had been less than pleased with him lately. And he really couldn’t fault him for it; he had been acting like an asshole. Though Michayla wouldn’t admit to it, he was well aware that her family had heard every last detail of their fight. Clearly, the women in the family were much more forgiving. Now he realized her father was going to need much more time.  
  
He fell back into the sofa, a sigh of relief escaping him once he was finally off of his feet.  
  
“I’m sorry they’ve been working you so hard in there,” She crossed her legs and leaned into him, “but I’m so glad you came.”  
  
Isaac just smiled, her hand finding his. Turning towards her, he lightly kissed the top of her head.  
  
The house around them was chaotic to say the least, the kids still running around the kitchen. Michelle yelling at them, again, to go play elsewhere. The rest of her immediate family all having their own conversations over each other in the dining room. Even with all of this going on Isaac felt a calm wash over him - something he hadn’t felt with Michayla in a very long time.  
  
“This is our first official Holiday as a family,” His thoughts suddenly interrupted. Michayla’s right hand making soft circles on her still flat stomach. She was still amazed that there was a person growing inside of her.  
  
Isaac pulled her hand up and kissed the back of it, smiling.  
  
“You’re right.” He responded, stealing a quick glance at her, “I can’t believe I’m going to be a father.”  
  


***  
  


“Go! Go! Go!” Taylor stood in the living room, shouting at the football game on the television, his arms straight up in the air.

Zac was seated on the couch, eyes fixed on his phone. He was texting Dean, trying to figure out the next time the two were working together so Zac could buy some weed off of him. Dean’s dealer hadn’t shown up again, at least not while Zac was working, so he wasn’t sure if he even had anything.

“Shit!” Taylor yelled in defeat as the football was intercepted by the opposing team, huffing as he slumped onto the couch next to his brother.

“The turkey’s just about done, can one of you come mash these potatoes?” Diane asked from the kitchen, doing her best to be heard over the game. She closed the oven door and searched through the fridge to gather the milk and butter.

Taylor entered the kitchen a few moments later. He strained the potatoes into the colander in the sink, then reached for a metal mixing bowl.

“Not too much butter, remember last year?” Diane chided.

“What, you didn’t love my soupy potatoes?” Taylor joked, pouring the milk and a _few_ tablespoons of butter into the bowl.

Diane handed Taylor the masher, leaning on the counter as she watched him.

“So, you’re not going to talk about him at all?” Taylor said quietly, careful not to alert Zac from the other room even though the TV was practically blaring.

“I’m surprised it took you so long to bring him up.” Diane smirked, raising an eyebrow.

Taylor chuckled, his mother knew him too well.

“So, how is he? Though I doubt he’s asked the same of us.”

Diane sighed. “He’s your dad. What else can I say?”

“Well, I’m sorry then.”

Diane shifted around, her back towards the counter, looking towards her youngest son who was dozing off on the sofa. _That kid could sleep through bombs,_ she thought.

“I’m just happy you boys – I’m proud of you both for moving here, you know that. Even if it means being away from me. I know that he certainly needed time away.”

Taylor lifted his head, following his mother’s gaze. She was talking about Zac. Zac needed time away. And while that was true - and undoubtedly the main reason that he wanted to uproot and move thousands of miles away – it felt _weird_ to hear his mother say it. Her words reassuring him that she did indeed know what went on inside their home. She may have not known the entire extent of it, but she knew enough.

Enough to know that Zac needed out.  
  
  
***  
  
  
“Remember that time Isaac was in charge of making the turkey while Mom was at work?” Taylor laughed as he thought back to Thanksgiving seven years ago, the first and last Thanksgiving that Diane left anyone in else charge of the turkey.  
  
Diane nodded her head, trying not to laugh at her oldest son’s mistake.  
  
“It really was my fault,” she added, wiping at her mouth with a napkin, “I should have known better.”  
  
“He never turned the oven on.” Zac added, grabbing for a third biscuit from the center of the table. They were always his favorite, and his mother had made enough to feed them for a week.  
  
“I told him to put the turkey _in_ the oven.  I never said anything about turning it on.” Diane continued, trying her hardest to defend Isaac.  
  
“Well, let’s just hope he makes a better father than he does a chef.” Taylor added.  Just as soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted it. Though all three of them knew Michayla was pregnant, this was the first time they had spoken about it with their mother, and neither knew her thoughts on the whole situation.  
  
Zac just stared at her, slowly chewing a mouthful of food as he waited for her reaction.  
  
“I’m going to be a grandmother!” She practically cried it out, like she had been holding the statement in all day, and was going to explode if she had to keep it in for another minute.  
  
Taylor sighed, relief washing over him, thankful he didn’t just open up a can of worms. He knew that Isaac had talked to their mother about it, but he never did say how their conversation went.  
  
Diane was beaming now, not bothering to try and hide the smile that had spread across her face.  Taylor was sure he saw a tear form in the corner of her eye.  
   
“I was wondering when one of you were finally going to say something! I just can’t believe he’s going to be a father.” She continued, dabbing at her eye with her napkin. Now Taylor was sure it was a tear he spotted. “I’m just so excited. My first grandchild.”  
  
Her happiness was infectious, and now Taylor found himself smiling from ear to ear. He never pictured Isaac to be the first of the three to be a parent. If he were being honest, he always thought it would be himself.  
  
Zac shifted in his chair – the excitement over Isaac becoming a father making him feel uncomfortable. It wasn’t that he thought Isaac wouldn’t make a good parent - he knew he would be a great Dad. Isaac was always more of a father to him than an older brother. He was uncomfortable because he knew _the look_ was coming. The look from his mother that was both pity and guilt all wrapped into one. That look she always gave him when the word _father_ was spoken.

Most of the time he tried to ignore it, but it was just so obvious. He would never, ever, admit it to another soul, but part of him, albeit a very small part, hated her. He hated how she could pretend that nothing was wrong. The woman who would escape to work for long hours and come home – only to sleep through the sounds of her children crying out for her because Walker could be such a _dick_ sometimes. The mom who would insist he stay home with his father while she went out to run errands - even though she had to physically pry his little body off of herself just to get into the car. The same mother who didn’t think to ask why he had nightmares nearly every night from the time he was five.

All of this, would only leave Zac to assume she knew the real answer. And that was something he couldn’t let himself believe.

He wanted to love his mother. He _did_ love his mother. But, it was hard to have an unconditional love for someone who allowed his life to be such hell for so long.  
  
  
***  
  
  
The city at night was truly a beautiful sight - the bright lights, the tall buildings, and just the constant flow of people was all so much to take in. The more Diane walked around, the further she couldn’t believe this had been her first visit. She was fifty-six years old and had never even been outside of Oklahoma. Taylor had made it a point to spend all day Friday showing his mother around Manhattan. Though it was bitterly cold out and most of their self-guided tour had been done by foot, Diane didn’t complain. Taylor didn’t know everything there was to know about the city, but he did his best to share the knowledge he did have about his surroundings with his mother. She loved that Taylor already knew so much about the city he hadn’t been in for more than two months.  
  
“You were right Taylor, the city is absolutely more impressive at night.” They were standing at what is commonly referred to as _The Crossroads of The World_ , and Diane finally understood it.  
  
“Definitely a lot different than back home, huh?”  
  
“To say the least.” Diane added. They were waiting patiently to cross the street, a slew of yellow cabs whizzing by them as they spoke.  
  
The crosswalk changed from a red hand, to a walk symbol, signaling it was finally safe to head for the opposite side. Even in the frigid weather the sidewalks of Times Square were shoulder to shoulder with people.  
  
“I would have thought I’d run into Rachel on this trip.”  
  
“Yeah, I thought you would too.” Taylor huffed, his breath visible in the winter air.  
  
“I’m sorry, should I not have asked?”  
  
“I don’t know. She’s been really distant lately. I mean, I knew the long distance thing wasn’t going to be easy, but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t even want it to work out at all.”  
  
“Well I’m sure there’s more to it than that, maybe she’s just busy.”  
  
“There’s no way she’s _that_ busy. So busy that she can’t even return a text.”  Out of habit Taylor’s hand went for his phone, pulling it out just enough for him to see the screen, nothing.  
  
“Well then, that’s something you need to talk to her about. You know her better than I do Taylor, if you think something’s going on…”  Diane didn’t want to say too much, she knew how Taylor could get. She didn’t want him to obsess over this like he did with nearly everything else. He would worry himself sick, which would only make _her_ worry more.  
  
“I know, I know. Zac and I are still coming back to Tulsa for Christmas. I’m going to have to talk to her then. It’s going to be a lot harder for her to ignore me when I’m down the street.”  
  
“I just want you to be happy.” Diane put her arm around Taylor, pulling him into her, she realized how much height her son had on her as she walked with him.  
  
Taylor just nodded, not wanting to get into any more of this with his mother, instead he took the opportunity to bring her attention back to their tour.  
  
“So, where to next?”

  
***  
  


“Dude, I need you to talk me down or something.”

Taylor paced his bedroom in the dark, his phone to his ear. He tried to be as quiet as possible since his mother was asleep in the next room and Zac was settled on the couch. It was close to one in the morning and he couldn’t stop his mind from racing. He tossed around in his bed for the better part of an hour, hell, he even tried _breathing exercises_ – anything to stop his heart was thumping as hard and fast as it was.

What if Rachel really _was_ cheating on him? What if it wasn’t just the distance that was literally and figuratively ripping them further and further apart?

He had to know. He _had_ to.

Rachel would never admit to it, why would she? She could have the perfect situation – and a 0.01% chance of the two men everrunning into each other.

Taylor was thirty seconds from ripping out pieces of his hair, when he remembered something. He could totally catch her _._ He could have Justin, or Caleb, or Mark go down to the restaurant and see for themselves, and then he would know for sure. It was brilliant, and plus, it would mean that Taylor had the upper hand and Taylor almost never had the upper hand in their relationship.

So, he called the first person on his list - 

“What’s going on?”

“I think Rachel is cheating on me.” Taylor was picking at his thumb as he continued his strides.

“Seriously? I mean, why?” Justin sounded tired. Taylor felt bad for even waking him up with what he hoped was non-sense.

“Where do I even start? She’s been ignoring me pretty much daily. Um, she makes no effort in coming to see me _at all._ ”

“Wait, I thought she was coming this weekend?”

Taylor snorted, “So did I.”

“Well, go with your gut, man. You have pretty good instincts so if you think she’s fucking around on you then break up with her.”

“But what if I’m just being paranoid?”

“You? Being paranoid? That’s not like you _at all_.” Justin joked sarcastically. Taylor couldn’t help but let out a little laugh. He really did miss his friends. “If you want, the guys and I will check out the restaurant one night, alright? I’ll let you know if I see anything weird.”

“That would be- yeah. That would be a start.” Rachel would never expect Taylor’s friends to visit the restaurant after he quit, so it would definitely be a surprise, not that she would be romping around work with another guy, but he needed _something_.

Taylor would know the truth soon enough, and even as upset as he was, he wasn’t entirely sure if he was even ready for it.

 


	6. “Space? We’re two thousand miles away, is that not enough for you?”

  
  
“And that’s your baby.” The midwife pointed out on the small led screen. Isaac could barely make out what he was looking it, but the misty look in his girlfriend’s eyes gave away that she knew exactly what was on the screen.

“Do you see it?” Michayla asked excitedly. The picture moved a bit when the nurse shifted around the ultrasound wand on Michayla’s stomach for a better view.

Isaac was finally able to make out the baby’s head. _His_ baby’s head. His heart jumped at the thought of becoming a father in just six months. The last four years of his life being so hesitant and completely against the idea of a child suddenly disappeared. He didn’t know what changed exactly, but something inside of him was different and he wasn’t going to question that.

“Yeah, yeah I see it.” He placed a reassuring hand on her arm, smiling ear to ear. “When will we be able to know the sex? Will we know today?”

“We won’t be able to tell for at least another eight weeks.” The nurse printed out a few copies of the sonogram and placed them inside of an envelope for them to take home. Isaac could just picture Michayla’s sisters crowding around and already pointing out features of the baby that he didn’t even think were developed yet.

Things may have been going in a forward direction between him and Michayla, but it was still a different story with her family. He was putting in an effort, at least, which is more than he could say for himself in the past.

“Next, we’re just going to take a little blood to make sure everything is looking alright and then you’ll be all set.” The nurse gave a friendly smile, grabbing a couple pieces of paper towel from inside a cabinet and offered them to Michayla. She wiped the jelly off, which Isaac thought looked cold and uncomfortable, and promptly pulled her white shirt over her small bump.

It wasn’t until last week that Michayla finally started showing and she already found herself absentmindedly rubbing her belly in an almost protective manner. Nearing the end of her first trimester, she was grateful that her all-day sickness was starting to subside and she was finally able to lay down without feeling the strong burn of stomach acid making its way up. Her doctor had thankfully prescribed something for the heartburn, but she was informed that there was a chance it would continue throughout the rest of her pregnancy.

Beyond all that, she felt great. Better than great. She had tons of energy, and even started taking a pre-natal yoga class at her gym. There were a group of to-be mother’s around her same age that she started to become friendly with.

She was anxious, though, and hoped these next six months would fly by.

 _***  
  
_ As hard as Taylor tried to get his mind off of her, he couldn’t stop thinking about Rachel. She had been slowly distancing herself lately, and this past week it had been worse than ever. Taylor had left her voicemails on three separate occasions, only to be answered by text hours later, explaining that she was _busy_. He just didn’t get it. His mind constantly racing with the possibilities of what could be going on. The voices in his head relentlessly reminding him that she could be cheating on him.

Or, maybe she was just over him. He was practically convincing himself that the distance he had put in their relationship had driven her away. Maybe she realized how much happier she was without him.  
  
Justin had followed through with his investigative work, like he had promised, but it didn’t do much to put Taylor’s mind at ease. Sure, she acted normal at work. She had even walked over and said a quick ‘hello’ to him while he was seated at the bar, but did that really prove anything? He felt stupid for even asking Justin to do it.  
  
He was hunched over a pile of papers on his desk at school that he should be grading, but instead he was staring at his cell phone. It’s black screen practically taunting him.  
  
Frustrated, he pushed himself out of his desk chair, taking his phone with him and leaving his classroom.  
  
With only twenty minutes left to recess he knew he would be spending his night both grading papers _and_ getting tomorrow’s lesson ready. Not that it mattered since he hardly slept anymore. His mind constantly racing. Rounding the corner he made way for the teachers’ lounge, already able to smell the dark-roast coffee. Someone had already brewed a pot, and for that he was thankful.  
  
“Hey Hanson.” Penny called out, her own stack of papers piled in front of her.  
  
He should have figured it was Penny, she was the only one here who shared his caffeine addiction. The pair of them drinking at least half a dozen coffee’s before days end.  
  
“Yeah, I guess it’s not just the kids who have a hard time focusing before break.” She took a long sip from her travel mug, pulling a chair out for Taylor to join her.  
  
He filled up a mug before settling into the cold metal chair.  
  
“Thanks.”  
  
“Oh hey, so a bunch of us are getting together for New Year’s Eve. Do you have plans?”  
  
“Actually, no.” Taylor admitted, the steam from his mug making his upper lip sweat as he took a sip of coffee, “And I think I’d love that.”  
  
“Oh good! We don’t know all the details quiet yet, but I’m sure we will soon, and then I’ll pass them along to you.”  
  
“Hey, is your friend going to be there? I think my brother might like her, but please don’t let her know I told you. He would kill me.”  
  
“I’m sure she’ll be there at some point, and I promise, I won’t say a word.”  
  
  
 _***  
  
_ Zac stood in the center of the crowded room. There was no music playing, but the conversations of the people in the house were so loud that it wouldn’t have been audible anyway. Dean had introduced him to a handful of his _party guests_ before disappearing into a back bedroom. That had been well over an hour ago and Zac hadn’t seen him since. Now he was clutching to his newly empty red solo cup feeling uncomfortable to say the least. Zac didn’t do well in crowds, and being in a house full of people he didn’t know was making him feel anxious. With his head down he made his way through a group of people talking to find the kitchen, desperate for another drink. At least once he had a few drinks in him he would loosen up a bit. Quickly finding the kitchen, he knelt down and positioned his cup under the tap, pumping the keg and not stopping until his cup was full. Before he could finish he felt a strong hand on his shoulder.  
  
“Hey, you’re Zac right?” The voice nearly shouted from behind him, fighting to be heard over the party.  
  
Zac looked over his shoulder, the beer still coming out of the keg in a steady flow. It was someone he didn’t recognize. He looked about Isaac’s age, maybe a little bit older. Short blonde hair peaked from under a backwards ‘Yankee’ cap, the florescent yellow lighting in the room casted a shadow on his face, making his eyes appear darker than they were.  
  
“Yeah, I’m Zac.” He responded, pushing himself up to his feet, bringing his cup immediately to his mouth and taking a long drink.  
  
“Sorry, I don’t think I know who you are.” He continued, trying his best to put a name to the face. He was sure they hadn’t been introduced.  
  
“I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Gabe.” He pointed to a room down the hall and waved for Zac to follow him.  
  
Zac hesitated for just a moment before reluctantly following Gabe down the short hallway. He was brought into a small spare room, Gabe flicking the light switch on as Zac followed inside. The dim bulb barely letting off any light. Zac could now see the room was used mostly for storage, nothing had occupied the floor but a few boxes.  He saw his reflection in the glass of the bare window in front of him, though his face looked distorted due to all the smudges and dust that had collected on it.  
  
“Sorry, it was a little loud out there, figured we could have an easier conversation away from all the noise.” Gabe explained as he shut the door, blocking out most of the chatter as he did.  
  
Zac responded with a nod, unsure of what exactly was going on. His anxiety only growing stronger, feeling as if he were trapped in the spare room. He clung to his plastic cup like a security blanket, practically chugging the remainder of his beer.  
  
“So Dean tells me you’re cool.” Gabe was leaning against the wall in front of the closed door, his own cup in his hand.  
  
Zac just shrugged, not really knowing how to respond to Gabe, was that a compliment?  
  
“Um, I guess so?” He laughed nervously, he wasn’t sure if it was the situation or the drink that was making his face feel hot.  
  
“Ya know, you’re _cool_ with him. You guys smoke together, right?”  
  
Before Zac could respond again the door opened, Dean entering the room now.  
  
“Gabe, I told you to wait man. What the hell.” Dean closed the door quickly behind him, the party not sounding like it was dying down anytime soon.  
  
“It’s cool, I’m talking to my new friend Zac.” Gabe smiled, holding his cup up towards Zac, as if toasting to him.  
  
“Dean man, what’s going on?” Zac’s heart was beating a little faster in his chest, he wasn’t sure what Gabe’s intentions were, but his brain was telling him to head for the door and not look back.  
  
“No Zac, it’s not like that. Calm down.” Dean laughed, moving over towards Zac and throwing a drunken arm around his shoulder.  
  
“My friend Gabe here, I was telling him about you. We both were talking – and well, we were thinking of bringing you into our little operation, if you were interested. No pressure if you’re not. I just know…”  
  
Zac cut him off before he could continue.  
  
“Dean, I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”  
  
“I know you saw me the other night at the pizza parlor.” Gabe cut in, his stare cutting into Zac like a razor blade.  
  
“Hey man, listen, I didn’t mean to see anything…” Zac put a hand up defensively, he never should have walked into this room.  
  
“Can everyone just calm down?” Dean interjected again, louder this time. “Let me just finish talking before we all get ahead of ourselves here.” He dropped his hand from around Zac’s shoulder, reaching into his back pocket he pulled out a wad of cash, held together with a rubber band. “I just wanted to know if you were interested in making a little more dough on the side, I mean, I know you could use the money. That’s all I’m saying.” He emphasized his point, holding the money up for Zac to see it before pushing it back into his pocket.  
  
This caught Zac’s attention, but he was still weary of what it was that made him all that money, though he was pretty sure he had it figured out by now.  
  
“What is it that you do on the side?” Zac had already finished off his beer, his hand putting too much pressure around the empty plastic cup was causing it to crack.  
  
“We sell. And it’s easier than you’d think. Actually, you’ve already done it once or twice and not even known. We put it in with the deliveries.”  
  
Zac could practically feel the color drain from his face. He had inadvertently sold drugs.  
  
“Wait, when?”  
  
“Once two weeks ago, and I can’t remember the first time. My point is, it’s that easy. You’re still doing your job. Your delivering pizza. All ya gotta do is hand them the box.”  
  
Zac stood silent for a moment, his eyes going between both Gabe and Dean. He really wished he had more beer in his cup.  
  
“Okay, I’m listening.”  
  
***  
  
Taylor was sitting cross-legged on the sofa, the remaining stack of papers from earlier on his lap. He scribbled across the pages with his red pen, marking X’s and check marks. He heaved a sigh, already feeling a migraine slipping its way in. He grasped at the bottle of beer on the coffee table, taking a quick swig. It was nearing six o’clock, the sun having long set. Zac was at work, having sent Taylor a text earlier that he would be home late.

His phone rang from his bedroom where it was being charged. He begrudgingly sat up, assuming it would be his mother or Isaac checking in.

He was _so_ wrong.

“Are you kidding me?” He spat into the phone.

“Hello to you too.” Rachel snorted, surprised by his abrupt attitude.

“Six fucking days. Are you fucking kidding me?” The anger rose inside of Taylor, his heart thumping in his chest.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Taylor. I’ve been busy.” She replied arrogantly.

“Oh! You’ve been busy, is that it?” He spoke sarcastically, “With what, Rachel? Or should I say, with _who_?”

“So we’re back to this then? I already told you, you’re being fucking ridiculous!” She defended herself, but Taylor was having none of it.

“Why don’t you try being honest with me this time? I’m not an idiot, Rachel, so stop treating me like one.”

“I don’t have time for this. I’ll talk to you in _another_ six days.” She spoke with absolutely no remorse and that only furthered to enrage Taylor.

“No, we’re going to talk about this _now_! You’re not going to keep brushing me off like this. I’m at the end of my fucking rope with this shit. I need you to be honest with me. This is your fucking out, Rachel. Tell me the goddamn truth.” He said, boldly. He couldn’t carry on this way for another second. His thoughts were going wild with what she could be doing, and who she’s doing it with.

Rachel sighed heavily, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. “Taylor. You are pushing me away! This is why I don’t return your calls and texts, because every time it’s the same story. How do you think it feels to be accused of cheating when there is absolutely _nothing_ going on?!”

When Taylor couldn’t find the words to say, she continued. “You don’t trust me, and that’s pretty fucking obvious. So if you really feel this way, then why stay with me? I am being as honest as I can be. I fucking love you, Tay, and it hurts mewhen you come at me like this. I’m sorry I’ve been distant, I really am. But you know how I get when it comes to needing space sometimes, and I need you to respect that.”

“Space? We’re two thousand miles away, is that not enough for you?”

Rachel grunted in annoyance. “You’re completely missing my point. If you trusted me, a couple days without talking wouldn’t all of a sudden make you think I’m out with some other guy. This isn’t going to work if you can’t believe me when I’m telling you the truth.”

That hit Taylor pretty hard. The more he thought about it, he really had no _solid_ proof that she was with somebody else. But it was the little things that just continued to add up that only amplified his uncertainties.

Taylor scrubbed at his face, “Look. If what you’re saying is true, then I need you to make a little more of an effort to make this work. I love you so much and the thought of you with somebody else just rips me apart.”

“I would never do that to you.” Her tone had calmed and she was speaking sincerely. “I’m sorry that this is what I’ve put you through, I never meant to do that. I just get caught up in my own shit sometimes, you know?”

Taylor nodded even though she couldn’t see him. “I’m sorry that I came at you like this.”

“Can we just completely start this conversation over?” Rachel laughed lightly. “I miss you so much, there’s so much I have been wanting to tell you.”

Taylor flopped onto his bed, facing the ceiling. His lips turned up the slightest bit, listening to his girlfriend rattle off about her week at work.

He was going to drop his accusations for now, realizing that he would be visiting home soon and could surprise her, _finally_ seeing her face to face after months. He didn’t want this stupid fight to ruin their short time together for Christmas.

***

Zac found himself in the passenger side of Dean’s Camry as they sped through the city streets. Zac was going on his first official drug run and Dean had promised him he wouldn’t be doing the first few alone.  

Zac’s leg bounced nervously as Dean took a right turn down a side street and scanned the houses, cross-checking the house numbers with the one written down on the receipt paper. Zac had counted how many police cars they passed just on their ten minute drive – four. He kept thinking how at any second one of them could have pulled their car over – and poof, he’d be in jail. What would he say to Taylor? Oh God, or even his mother _._ _‘It was just once, Ma. No big deal_.’

“You okay, dude?” Dean asked as he found the right house and pulled over against the littered sidewalk.

Zac went for his door handle without a response, but Dean quickly pulled him back in. “Wait. I’m going to do this one. This guy knows me. If he sees a random kid, he’s gonna get spooked. That’s one thing you learn doing this, some of these people get spooked real easy.”

Zac nodded, a sigh of relief escaping him. He wasn’t sure he was ready for this. Talking about it and doing it were two very different things, and now sitting outside of this apartment building knowing exactly why he was here was making him feel almost sick to his stomach. Dean grabbed the two pizza boxes from the warming bag in the backseat and exited the car. Zac watched him carefully as he made his way up the steps and knocked a few times before someone answered. He was surprised when he saw that it was a middle-aged man. Dean offered over the pizzas in exchange for the money.

And that was it.

To anybody else looking, it was just a normal pizza delivery – a normal pizza delivery with a couple grams of Cocaine hidden underneath the grease.  
  
Dean returned to the car, flashing a smile as he fell into the driver’s seat.  
  
“Easy, right?”  
  
“A little too easy.” Zac agreed, looking at the eighty dollars Gabe was counting before slipping it into his back pocket.  
  
“Well I’m glad you think so, because the next house is yours.”  
  
Zac nodded, looking at the two pizzas still in the backseat. Seeing how well it had gone for Dean had definitely made him feel a little better, but still he was nervous. He kept telling himself he had already done this before, unknowingly.  
  
Dean maneuvered around the city as Zac repeated his mantra in his head _“You’ve already done this, it’s easy. You’re just delivering pizza.”_  
  
They pulled up to an apartment building about six blocks away from the first delivery when Dean pulled the car over and put it in park.  
  
“You ready?” He asked, looking over at Zac who was looking less than confident about the situation.  
  
“As ready as I’m ever going to be.” Zac admitted, reaching over to the back seat and grabbing the top insulated bag.  
  
“Good luck, and remember.  It’s just a delivery. The guy should give you sixty for this one. Don’t let him punk you.”  
  
Zac swallowed hard, his hand grasping onto the door handle. After taking a deep breath he pushed the door open and climbed out to the curb.  
  
He practically ran up the stairs, wanting to get this over with as quick as possible. Standing on the top step he pulled open the bag and reached in for the receipt. He found the apartment number written down and quickly scanned the building for the appropriate buzzer. He took a second deep breath, and pushed it in, hearing the dull buzzer ring through the brick façade of the building. Not even thirty seconds later he heard footsteps descending the stairs, a man about double his size opening the door.  
  
“You’re new.” The man stated just as soon as he saw who was standing on his stoop. His eyes searching the street behind Zac suspiciously.  
  
“Um, it’s gonna be sixty.” Zac spat out, his hand shaking as he pulled the pizza out of the bag, nearly dropping it.  
  
“Ah, I see. New guy’s all business.” The large man laughed, pulling out his wallet, though his eyes were still looking everywhere but at Zac. “All I got’s fifty.” He offered, handing over two twenty’s and a ten.  
  
Zac put his hand up, shaking his head, refusing to accept the bills.  
  
“Sorry, it’s sixty. I can’t take anything less.” His heart racing in his chest now, though he tried his best to sound confident.  
  
“Well here’s the thing. You’re new. So that’s a ten dollar fee right there.”  
  
“Listen man, I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I don’t want any trouble, but my guy said sixty. If you don’t have it, I gotta move on.” Zac did his best to hold his ground, he was hoping the man wouldn’t notice his shaky hands.  
  
“Why you gotta be like that man? You trying to fucking play me?” The man took a step closer to Zac now, his voice almost in a yell.  
  
Zac took a step back defensively, ready to just about book it down the stairs when he heard Dean’s car door.  
  
 _“Thank God.”_ He thought.  
  
“Hey man, what’s the fucking problem?” Dean asked while running up the stairs, the man’s entire demeanor seemed to change when he saw who Zac was with.  
  
“My bad bro, just giving little brother here a hard time. Didn’t realize he was one of Gabe’s.”  
  
Zac’s eyes nervously went from Dean and then back to the man, who was now going back through his wallet.  
  
“Here man, here’s an extra ten, I didn’t mean anything by it.”  
  
The man handed Zac seventy dollars now. In return Zac handed over the box of pizza.  
  
Zac nodded, securing the money in his pocket and heading back down the stairs, listening as the man apologized again to Dean.  
  
He slumped back into the passenger seat, his heart feeling as if it was going to pound through his chest.  
  
Dean followed shortly after, slamming his door behind him.  
  
“I thought you said this was going to be easy?”  
  
Dean just laughed, turning the key over in the ignition and heading to the next house.  
  
“That was just a little hiccup, I’m sure the next one will go much smoother.”  
  


 


	7. "Surprise!"

Four hundred and seventy five dollars.

It was more money than Zac had ever made in a matter of a few days - only making what he was doing more appealing.  After the first night’s confrontation, Zac hadn’t run into any more trouble. Most people didn’t care who was bringing them their fix, as long as it got there on time. Dean had assured him that there were people who would give Zac trouble, but those were _his_ customers. Gabe’s whole plan was to expand his clientele, which is where Zac came in.

He tried his best not to think too much about what he was doing, it would only serve to make him more paranoid. He told himself he would do it for a bit to catch up, and then he would quietly back out. For now, he was just enjoying the extra cash. He couldn’t go too crazy with spending, or Taylor would definitely find out something was going on, but it was nice to be able to pay the bills and the rent and still have something left over.

Money that was currently stashed in between his mattress and box-spring. Even Zac knew how cliché it was.  
  
The added funds couldn’t have come at a better time, and after convincing Taylor he had just been saving up, he bought his own plane ticket back to Tulsa.  

Now they were standing at their designated gate, prepared to board the flight back to Oklahoma. The forecast was predicting a Christmas Eve blizzard for the city, and the tension was high at the airport. They had arrived nearly two hours early and watched nervously as the board lit up with multiple flights that were delayed, or worse – cancelled. The impending storm throwing a wrench in hundreds, maybe thousands of people’s travel plans. Zac and Taylor both silently thanked God when their gate attendant finally announced that their plane would be boarding.   
  
“Are you as nervous as I am?” Taylor asked, once he was finally settled into his seat on the plane, laptop already propped open.  
  
“I guess you could call it that. I’m just not looking forward to seeing _him_ ,” Zac admitted, fishing his hand through his carry-on searching for his headphones, the thought of seeing his father again making his stomach flutter with nerves.  
  
“I was talking about the flight,” Taylor mumbled, “but now that you mention it, I’m not really looking forward to that either.” Taylor plugged his own headphones into the side of his computer, placing the buds snug into his ears.  
  
“Maybe we’ll get lucky, maybe the prick won’t show up.”  Zac leaned back into his seat, his belt secured tightly across his lap as he gripped onto the armrest. The stewardess had finished the in-case-of-an-emergency speech and now the captain was preparing for take-off. Which was Zac’s least favorite part about flying.  
  
“I wouldn’t get your hopes up.”  
  
***  
  
Taylor didn’t realize just how much he had missed Tulsa until he had returned. Isaac picked them both up at the airport, the three of them more than elated to be reunited. After saying their hellos and exchanging hugs, Zac and Taylor congratulated him properly on the pregnancy. Zac especially couldn’t believe the change in his oldest brother. He had a completely different outlook on the situation now than he did just two months ago on the phone.  
  
Taylor had kept the trip home a secret from Rachel, he wanted to surprise her, already having the whole thing planned out. The stress of a long distance relationship was much more than he had expected, and he knew it couldn’t be easy on her either. After he had been settled back at home he borrowed Isaac’s car and drove to a florist downtown. Taylor didn’t know much about flowers, but he knew Tulips were Rachel’s favorite, so that’s what he went with. The florist wrapped the flowers with a ribbon, fashioning a bow on the front and wished Taylor a Merry Christmas.  
  
“You too.” He replied with a smile.   
  
***   
  
Taylor pulled up outside of the familiar one bedroom house, the snow was really starting to stick to the roads, the flakes growing bigger as they fell with each passing second. He hesitated for a moment in the driver’s seat, taking in the stillness of the neighborhood around him. He always loved the winter, he appreciated the quiet that would come with any snowfall. It was as if time stood still for a moment. Before getting any more lost in his thoughts he reached over for the bouquet, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves before stepping out of the car. The snow crunching under his weight as he made the short walk from the street to Rachel’s front steps.  
  
With his free hand he pushed the few stray hairs under the red beanie on top of his head, checking out his reflection in the window of the house. He positioned the flowers in front of him and adjusted his jacket, finally ringing the doorbell.  
  
***  
  
“Zachary, there’s something that I need to talk to you about.” Diane stated, positioning the wrapping paper underneath a small box - a gift for Michayla. Diane was hoping she wasn’t being too forward by buying her a gift for the baby already, but she just couldn’t help herself. Sometimes she felt as if she were more excited for this baby than her son was.  
  
“Okay, what is it?” Zac asked, not looking up from his own task. Adding bows and name tags to the gifts Diane had already wrapped.  
  
Diane paused for a moment, her eyes not leaving her wrapping. “I kicked your father out.”  
  
The words seemed to be suspended in the air, the quiet in the room felt almost deafening.  Zac wasn’t sure he had heard her correctly.  
  
“W-What?” He eventually stuttered, his throat going dry.   
  
“I made him leave last week.”  
  
Zac didn’t realize how hard he was squeezing the red bow in his hand, the one he was just about to affix to the top of the gift.   
  
“Why now?” He demanded, nearly dumbfounded. All those years he was stuck in the house, she decided now to kick him out? Now that Zac lived nearly 2,000 miles away.  
  
Diane stopped her wrapping and sighed, stepping over to Zac’s side of the table she pulled out a chair, taking a seat on its edge.  
  
“I just don’t get it. Why now? Did he hurt you?” Zac saw red at the thought of his father laying hands on his mother, he held his breath as he waited for her response.  
  
“No, no. It’s nothing like that.” Diane reassured, putting a hand on Zac’s shoulder, but this time he shrugged it away.  
  
“Don’t.” Zac warned, pushing himself up from the table. He didn’t know how he was supposed to respond to this. He wished those words could have made everything better, but it didn’t. Instead it just made him angry, and his first instinct was to run. He needed to get out of there.  
  
“Zachary, I’m sorry.” She watched as he quickly stood from the table and left the kitchen, “Wait, where are you going?” Diane pleaded, following him as he grabbed for his jacket hanging by the door.  
  
“Just don’t.” Pushing his arms through his jacket, he left out the front, leaving his mother standing in the threshold. He didn’t bother to look back; he took the steps two at a time and headed for the street with no real destination.  
  
***  
  
Taylor was standing at the door, the flowers steady in his fist as he shifted his weight from his right foot to his left, reaching forward to ring the bell a second time.  A smile spread over his mouth once the door knob finally began to turn, butterflies swarming his stomach at the thought of seeing Rachel’s face.

“Surprise!” Taylor exclaimed with a wide grin, the open door revealing the person he had looked forward to seeing for the past three months.  
  
“Taylor,” Rachel trailed, her eyes wide with disbelief. Swiftly she stepped out to the concrete and pulled the door closed behind her. She continued in a whisper, “What are you doing here?”   
  
Taylor froze, a sudden feeling of nervousness washing over him.  He held up the flowers, Rachel’s eyes diverted to the tulips.

“I thought it would be nice to surprise you.” He shrugged, his confidence completely deflating, not at all the response he was hoping for.  
  
Rachel just shook her head, holding a hand up to her cheek. She looked as if she were going to cry, her mouth hung open as she tried to voice a response.  
  
Before Taylor could receive a reply or utter another word, the door was pulled open by a third person. Taylor’s face draining of color when he saw the unfamiliar man come into view.  
  
“Who the fuck are you?” the guy snapped.

Taylor’s eyes darting to Rachel, the tulips falling limp at his side.  
  
“Jake, it’s nothing, just go back inside.” Rachel practically pleaded. Jake was staring at the flowers in Taylor’s hand as Rachel put hers up to his chest trying to gently push him back inside the house.  
  
Anger coursed through Taylor’s veins, feeling his grip tighten on the stems of the tulips he so carefully chose. He began to replay the very things he questioned so many times before.

“Rachel, what is going on here?” Taylor begged, his heart racing in his chest, he felt as if he might be sick.  
  
“Taylor, please, it’s not what you think.”   
  
“Rachel, who the fuck is this guy?” Jake demanded again, his voice angrier this time.  
  
“I fucking knew it,” he whispered, bringing his eyes to Jake’s once he realized the thing he feared the most was true, “how long?”

When he received no response and the air between the three of them fell silent – he screamed as tears stung his eyes. “I gave you your out! The last time we talked you told me there was nothing going on…how long have you been fucking lying to me?”  
  
***  
  
Zac was sitting on Justin’s bed, an x-box controller in his hand. He had called him on his walk, with nowhere else to go. Justin could tell by his voice that something was wrong. Which meant he didn’t say what was bothering him or what happened, but instead just asked if he could come over. It was almost like Zac spoke in code. It was this secret code he had been speaking in for years, and Justin was one of the few people who understood it crystal clear.

Instead of talking about what happened, they were sat in his room, playing video games. Zac in the lead as usual.   
  
After an hour they got bored, and Zac knew he would have to head home soon. Something he wasn't prepared to do sober.

“Hey man, you have anything?” Zac asked, dropping the controller down to the mattress.

“Of course I do,” Justin laughed, “should we head outside?”

Zac just nodded, zipping up the coat he was still wearing and followed Justin out to his yard.

By now the snow had completely blanketed the ground, but that wouldn’t stop them. Justin had a gazeebo with a built-in wooden bench in the back of his house. Since middle school it had been their designated smoking area. It kept them dry and they had somewhere to sit. They didn’t need much more than that.

“So man, how’s New York?”  Justin asked, taking up a seat and packing the bowl.

“It’s kind of great. A lot different than here, which for me, is perfect.

“I totally get it,” Justin offered, still not looking up from his task at hand, “Me and the guys wanna come out sometime.  That is, if there’s room for us.”

Zac laughed and shook his head,

“For you guys? Nah. There’s plenty of hotels around though.”

“Prick.” Justin joked, finding his lighter in his coat pocket and bringing the bowl up to his lips.

“How are the guys? Everyone doing well?”

Zac impatiently waited his turn, as Justin took his time inhaling from the small green bowl. He nearly jumped from his seat as Justin pulled it away, holding the smoke in his lungs.

“Everyone’s good.” He paused a moment, watching Zac fiddle with the lighter. “So are you going to tell me what happened this time? Or are we just going to pretend it was nothing?” Justin exhaled as he spoke, the smoke lingering in the air in front of him

“My mom kicked him out,” He answered before taking his own hit. Justin looked surprised, that wasn’t something he ever thought he’d hear.

“So then what’s the problem?” Justin questioned, “I always thought that would be a good thing.”

Zac pulled the bowl away, and held the smoke in as Justin had, hesitating a moment before responding.

“She waits until I move away, and then kicks the bastard out. How the fuck is that fair? He was a dick to me for so long. It’s just such bullshit.” Zac heaved a sigh, handing the bowl back over to Justin. His eyes on the cement under his feet. He could already feel the effects of the marijuana, an immediate weight lifting off his shoulders.  
  
***  
  
Rachel covered her face before she turned her back to the both of them, hiding her emotions in the palms of her hands. She had silently hoped that the mere action alone would wake her from the nightmare she must be having.

“Rachel, are you going to fucking explain yourself?” Jake suddenly spat out, snatching Rachel back down to reality.

“Jake, I,” she started, turning herself back around as the tears pooled in her eyes, “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

Taylor’s mind was spinning, how could this be happening? He felt so foolish standing here with his stupid fucking flowers. His chest tightening as he tried to compose himself enough to speak.

“I’ve been gone three months, and you’re already seeing somebody else? Rachel, how could you do this to me?” The tulips now hung as if suspended by a frayed thread.

“Three months?” Jake’s eyebrows furrowed, anger seeping in his tone. “Bro, we’ve been together for three fucking years.”

Taylor’s mouth hung open in disbelief. It felt as if he had taken a punch to the gut - like he had the wind knocked out of him. For that split second he couldn't breathe. His mind had gone blank, rendering him speechless.

Rachel stood motionless behind Jake, tears spilling from her eyes, though she said nothing. Taylor’s crystal blue eyes fixed on her, his head finally managing to shake back and forth.    
  
He took a step backwards, dropping the bouquet to the snow covered ground, the action causing him to almost trip off the top step. He managed to turn himself around, needing the railing to balance himself, his legs feeling as if they would give out at any moment. With his back turned he heard Rachel’s front door slam shut, Jake’s voice booming from inside the closed door. Taylor didn’t care, though, he just needed to leave.

He finally made it to his parked car before he found himself hunched over in the street, dry heaving with his hands on his knees. He inhaled the cold winter air, the snowflakes melting as they hit the heat in his cheeks. He could feel the tears stinging in his eyes again, threatening to fall at any moment.  
  
***  
  
With a shaky hand Taylor lifted for his phone, finally parking in his oldest brother’s driveway. He couldn’t go in and face Michayla, and he definitely didn’t want to go home. He just needed Isaac to come outside and sit with him for a minute, to talk him down from this ledge that he felt he was on.

Isaac picked up on the second ring, his tone changing just as soon as he heard Taylor’s voice.

“Isaac, please come out to your driveway,” it took Taylor every shred of effort to hold it together. He was already teetering on the brink of a nervous breakdown. He didn’t wait for a reply, instead he ended the phone call, his eyes fixated on his own hands in his lap.

If Taylor had bothered to look up he would have already spotted his brother. His head peeking out from behind a sheer curtain in his living room. He didn't waste any time before appearing at the front door and making his way to the car.

“Tay, what’s wrong?” Isaac was nervous as he fell into the passenger seat, his arms already wet with snow.

Taylor’s gaze was still fixed on his hands, he couldn’t look over. He wasn't even sure why he called Isaac out to the car, he felt humiliated. He responded with a shake of his head.

“Tay?” Isaac put a hand on his shoulder.

Taylor put his face in his hands, his upper-half hunching over almost involuntarily.

“Taylor, what happened?” Isaac asked again, this time more concerned as he twisted his body in the passenger seat to face his brother.

“She’s been seeing somebody else.” His voice didn’t even sound like his own, the first tear slipping out, he could taste the salt as it rolled down to his lip.

“Shit…” Isaac’s still had a protective hand on his brothers’ shoulder. He didn’t know what to do – he gave it a tight squeeze out of instinct, “how do you know?”

Taylor had his eyes slammed shut, though his tears were persistent and managed to seep through. Holding them back only made them want to escape more. Though it was hopeless, he wiped away at them with the back of his hand, forcing himself into an upright position.

“I’m such an idiot,” the words came out as a squeak, his voice cracking in the short sentence.  “Her fucking boyfriend came to the door.”  
  
“Wait, what?” Isaac’s face fell, “What do you mean, her _boyfriend_?”  
  
Taylor pulled the door handle of the car, stumbling out to the driveway, Isaac quickly following.

“I’m going to be fucking sick.” Taylor leaned over with his hands at his knees, his stomach heaving as his breathing quickened.

Isaac rubbed at his back, trying to soothe his brother, afraid he might actually throw up in his driveway.

The entire world felt like it was crashing around him, mixing in with the snow that was falling. He could hear his heart thumping in his ears. The blood was rushing to his head from being bent over. He tried holding in his coughing, trying to settle his stomach.

Taylor’s breathing turned into small sobs as he rubbed his hands over his reddened face. He had so much adrenaline running through him, his heart working overtime.  
  
“She was cheating on _him_ ,” he cried out, he was starting to hyperventilate, “cheating on him with _me_.”

Isaac put his hands on Taylor’s shoulders, pulling him to an upright position and faced him. “You need to calm down. I know this fucking sucks but you need to calm down because it’s going to be okay. This girl is fucking heartless and you are better than this.” He drew Taylor into a hug, “You deserve so much better than this.”

Taylor let the tears trail down his cheeks, his head on his brother’s shoulder.

“Can this trip get any fucking worse?”

  
  
  



End file.
